lunch time reading

While eating my nutritious salad at my desk today, I read an article about our former chief justice and her husband. He is currently suffering from Alzheimer's and receives full time care in a nursing home. They said in the article that he has a new girlfriend, who also resides in the home. He doesn't remember his wife of 50+ years and seems very content now that he has found this new woman. She continues to visit him and accepts it as part of his disease. She said it was the "highest form of love."

This got me thinking about a couple of things. First of all, what would I do and how would I react, if TBW hooked up with someone because she couldn't remember me? Would I react the same way? Would I be jealous? It is such a debilitating disease and one that is horrible to live through as a patient and as a loved one.

TBW's Mother, died last year from the disease. She was in her 90's. She spent the last 15+ years declining bit by bit, to the point she couldn't remember TBW or anything about her pre-nursing home life. TBW would often get calls from the nurse who cared for her Mom. The calls came a couple times a month, but she also received letters in the mail detailing each bruise or her constant food consistancy change because she didn't know how to chew and swallow her food anymore. Constant reminders to TBW that she couldn't do anything to help her, but that she was still hanging on, not knowing who she was, where she was or how she got there.

I saw the toll it took on TBW. When she died, we traveled to Wisconsin where TBW grew up to take care of things, and to say goodbye. We saw the facility, or room, in which she spent her last years. Her nurse was a caring and loving person. I don't know how she has the grace and caring to do that job on that locked down floor for so long, but she did, and still does. I never got to see her Mom in person, but above her bed, was a framed photo of her Dad. The eyes and the mouth were familiar to the face that I love so much. TBW looks so much like her father. We have that picture in our living room now. The trip bittersweet. I was saddened for the reason for going there, but was happy to see all of the places and things TBW experienced in her childhood.

We saw the house where she grew up, went to mass at the church they went to as a family, saw the places she rode her bike, liked to eat, etc. Even met a childhood friend. Funny side bar - or so I think anyways. After mass, the nun who did the sermon (I guess they are consolidating churches there and they are short on priests) came to the back of the church. I was taking pictures, and she introduced heself to TBW. She asked her if I was her daughter? sister? To which TBW said, "This is my partner." My eyes got bigger than saucers and I shook her hand. This is small town suburbia in a "C" church... We laughed when we got in the car. Even though we were there to bury her Mom, we did enjoy seeing the sites and I loved seeing all of the places from her childhood. Details ofthe trip will be a later entry.

Then, thinking about the above article, I was thinking about my journaling, and wondering if re-reading it all and looking at pictures would help. This in turn led me to thinking about the movie, The Notebook. That was such a good movie. To be able to have a soulmate like that. To lie together in bed and die in each other's arms. How beautiful would that be?

We plan to put up our tree this weekend and have a fire or two. I hope we can have time to watch that movie together in between our other activities. I guess in the end, if we don't know each other because of the affects of disease, I know that our souls will always be connected - so it's all good.

pictures of ellie

Ellie and Elliott TBW and Ellie

Ellie - doing what she does best... nippin'

journal time

I have journaled my life for many years. I began after my Dad died in 1983 and I was in college. My first journal was a book covered in red corduroy. The words were actually written out by me over a period of time. Near the end of my second book, I received a laptop for Christmas (1994) and I started journaling on it, keeping entries by the year. At the beginning of each new year, I would print out the previous year's entries. Now, I have moved on to this blog.

I realized recently, that I don't know where those two hand-written journals are, and that I quit printing out my "online" journals years ago. I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about blogging and he says he uses this software called blurb to print wedding albums for couples he shoots pictures for, and that they also can print your blog in a bound book, complete with pictures for a fairly reasonable price. So, that got me to thinking... I need to consolidate my journals by year, have them printed and then - wha la - there they are. But like the scrapbooks that I have gotten behind on, and the photos I want to scan, so theyare "backed up" and even the digital pictures that are in various folders (the new ones not even backed up) - I need to organize.

The problem with online versions of things, even though they are reliable, is that as you change computers, you need to make sure all your "stuff" upgrades as you do. We have three computers in the house and we need to take the time to backup things we don't want to loose. Being in the technology field, I know this is crucial, but like so many things in my life - I get behind and figure I'll work on it "tomorrow". Something to think about...

We had a great evening last night. It was nice and quiet. I love spending time at home, with family. I love it even more when I see TBW's eyes sparkle this amazing color of blue (as they did last night). It is one of the most beautiful things about her - because when they are that way, I know the amount of love and happiness she has for me and with me. Through those blue eyes, I can see into her soul and find my place. It is through those eyes that I realize what a gift we have been given and how lucky we are.

Double Take

Sometimes I look at my kids and have to do a double take. I always tend to think of them as being little. I don't know if it is me wanting them to stay little or that I just get so caught up in day-to-day life that I don't see them change.

I went to pick upD2 from basketball practice last night and I was peeking in through the door. These are girls who I coached from 4th grade through 6th grade. They were little, giggly, and awkward in their ability to play. As I peered through the window of the door, I couldn't find D2. Then I did my first double take. She was playing left post and was in the middle of all of these girls who are now taller than I am. Part of it was that she had straightened her hair, the other was I was looking for this gangly girl with the puffy ponytail.

When we got home, she was standing across the room and I did it again. I looked at her and realized that she is almost grown (body-wise) and she isn't a little girl any more. She has always had compassion beyond her years, a warm personality and an ability to strike up a conversation with anyone she sees - but then I saw her as she would be as a young woman. She passed me in height about a year ago, but I hadn't really noticed her child-like features starting to fade. I just looked at her for a few minutes, and realized that she is becoming a beautiful young woman who amazes me in so many ways and makes me so proud to be a Mom.

At dinner last night, she said she gave her boyfriend's Mom my phone number. Apparently, he wants to take her to dinner and a movie this Saturday. They will be accompanied by his parents. She started laughing and said, "It is kinda weird because he wants to go to the movie around 2, and that would mean we would eat dinner around 4. Who eats that early? And dinner - with his parents. Isn't that kind of weird?" Sometimes she is still 13! TBW and I told her that was nice that his parents would do that (and we knew that was the only way she was going) and that she should just enjoy herself.

At the end of dinner, TBW suggested that D2 stay home today to get plenty of rest, to nurse that cold and to take care of herself. I drew her a hot bath, told her to relax and to then get warm jammies on. She said she wanted to sit with TBW and I to watch tv when she was finished. I tucked her in bed, rubbed her back and she was asleep before I left the room. Sometimes, just having someone close take care of you when you don't feel well makes your feel full of love. Sometimes, being the person that can give that love makes you feel the same way...

Easy come, easy go...

Thanksgiving has come and gone - so has the break from work. What a dread to go back. I wonder if a job exists where you are excited to go back? Wish we had more of the European mentality about work around here...

TBW made a wonderful dinner for the big day. All of our kids, minus the one in Denver were in attendance. The weather is turning colder and more gray. D1 drove the other two over to our house from the previous stop. We slept in on Friday and TBW, D3 and I went puppy shopping.

I think weare nuts... a bit cookcoo... But we had been talking about getting a small dog - so once again - we set off to "look". The pet stores want a HUGE amount for their dogs. I think the smaller the dog, the bigger the price. So we went to the pound. Pictured above what we came home with... Her name is Elanor (I call her Ellie).


Friday night the girls and I saw "Enchanted" - it was very cute. I liked it more thanI thought I would. D3 wanted to go see her puppy, so I took D1 and D2 to dinner at our mexican place. TBW was bonding with all the dogs... Did I mention how wonderful she is???

Saturday, D1 and D2 left early in the morning. We all met up at the state semi-final football game for D1's school. It was very cold outside. We took lots of blankets. They lost - but played very well. All the D's went home with Dad.

Sunday was full of errands and raking, cooking and laundry... and football watching in between and during. TBW says I pout when the girls leave. I guess I do. I love having them there, and I love spending time alone with TBW. I also dread going back to work... It all just makes me grumpy... I need to get a grip and be thankful for it all! Without being pissy.

This morning, D2 calls me at 8:15 (her bus comes at 7:55) and says she missed the bus. I am already at work, and I am thinking - it takes 5 minutes (10 at most) to walk to school...BUT she is still in the driveway...

First of all admitting: "I missed the bus."
Then the confession: "He told me he would be earlier today."
Then the excuse: "Must have been WAY early."
Then the solution: "Get walking, I'll call school and tell them."
The rebuttal: "But can't I call the neighbor?"
The push over(that is me): "Okay, but hurry. Go knock on her door"
The teenager: "She isn't there (I am sure the knock was very light)."
The arranger(that is me): calls the neighbor, no answer, leave message... "Start walking"
The neighbor: calls when she hears the message, will gladly take her to school.
The teen: walks back, calls again... "no one is out."
The mother: "Try knocking on the door"
The people sitting around me: laughing out loud...

Our South Carolina trip

We are home from South Carolina. It was a good trip. We got a lot of things done for my Mom and had a great time visiting her and my sister's family. We arrived on Thursday night around six. We got the rental car and some dinner and headed out on the road. We flew skybus to Greensboro and then had a three hour drive. For $30 each way - it was worth it.

My Mom has three bedrooms, so D2 got one room, I got the other and TBW wanted the couch. (well she didn't want it - but my Mom didn't want us sleeping together). First of all, we hate sleeping apart, but there were only twin beds in the two rooms. My Mom has come a long way in accepting TBW and I, so we decided not to push it. We agreed to sneak together and set the alarm so she could go back to her couch. My Mom is tethered to her oxygen, so you can hear her move around because the cords make noise on the kitchen floor. Well, we don't know if she was getting up to check for a "lump" on the couch - or if she was just moving in her bed - but she was constantly moving that flippin' cord. Which made TBW stay put.

Friday late in the morning, my sister, TBW, J (my sister's friend who traveled with us) and myself went to lunch. TBW and I went to run errands for my mom and they went to do their own thing. When we got back home, TBW and I painted the front door (maroon on the front, chocolate on the back) and the railing outside her front steps. D2 went four-wheeling with her cousin and J. Before they left, TBW and I took it for a spin. There are so many back roads and trails around there - it was so much fun. We almost tipped it one time, but made it through. D2 did tip it with J and her cousin on it. Of course they tipped into a thorn bush, so she had some scrapes to show for it. They came back and acted like it was nothing - not until the next day, did she tell me what really happened! They went back out on some flat land after that. We finished up and went to my sister's for dinner.

My Mom's neighbor's came to dinner too. They are a young couple that help take care of her. They get her mail every day and check on her to make sure she is doing okay. They are a God send. They were on their way to Wisconsin to meet her birth mom for the first time. She found her on the internet and hey were excited to meet each other.

Saturday we were up early (after sleeping in our nice arangements) to drive an hour and a half away to see nephew 2 (N2) play in an all-star football game. He is in the 11-12 year old league and they were one game away from the district final. The other team was BIG! Three of their front linemen were taller than the refs. Needless to say, they didn't win, but it was fun to watch him play. TBW made a comment that the fans would never be allowed to cheer in the bubble. They would have all been kicked out within minutes. Like she said - this was a lot of the kid's tickets out of where they are growing up. They take their sports very seriously.

We went into town to find a bar that had the buckeye game on tv. We found an irish pub that had just opened. We all sat at the bar with a guy named "Coach" and had a great lunch and good drinks. The bucks pulled it out and we were all happy (well except TBW - she likes anyone but the buckeyes). We then headed back to our town to change and get ready for the evening.

Saturday night was adult night out. We went to a dueling piano bar. Basically there are two pianos on a stage, they play against each other and the crowd goes wild and sings along. TBW was the designated driver. There were six of us (TBW, J, my sister and her husband, and the coach and his wife). We drank and drank. We attempted to go dancing for a short while - but the shots and drinks caught up to us old folks and we were ready for some substinance... The Waffle House. We laughed and felt like teenagers when we got home - my Mom was waiting up for us in the chair... I did sneak out and make TBW come back to bed with me until 7:00.

Sunday, we spent shopping and eating, doing some more chores and eating dinner at my sister's house again. We were all tired around 8. They are trying to save money, and one of the things that has to wait until surplus funds are available is the grooming of their poodle. He looks cute all scruffy - but tends to get stinky with all of that long hair. J decided she would fix that. She took the scissors and the dog and trimmed his face. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. The dog came running into the room where we were and jumped on my sister's lap. He looked like the lion on the wizard of oz. We were all dying laughing and my sister was none to pleased. J took him back and evened it all out. We never did see the final product, as we left when she was still trimming.

Monday was spent washing all of the sheets, dusting, cleaning, vacuuming, etc. D2 and J went to the beach to walk. TBW and I went to the doctor to get a perscritpion for my Mom. Of course she didn't qualify for the free sample and the medicine cost $96 for one month's supply. Since that is about the 20th medicine she is on, we paid for it. The amount of paperwork and qualifications for an elderly person to receive perscription benefits in this country are astounding. You either have to be so poor the government just takes over or so rich you have money to burn. It is really a disgrace. You work your whole life, save a little money to live off the interest of that savings and they want to take the savings part away from you. I give her credit - she knows the what, where and when of all the meds - how to get them, when to get them, and isn't afraid to ask for samples. We were to leave at 1:00. Prior to us leaving, she gave me my Dad's wedding ring, which is a silver band, to wear. I have it on my middle finger of my right hand. She gave D2 many gold necklaces, which she really seems to enjoy. As we got in the car, she stood on the porch (it looked rather spiffy after it was painted) and waved good bye with tears in her eyes. It was a sad moment. She knows she is never going to get better - and she is giving her things away. They often say you aren't scared of death once it is your turn.

She called me as we were on the road and said that the 19th (that Monday) was her wedding anniversary. She said it was amazing that the day she gave me my Dad's ring was the day she had given itto him. Moments like that can't be planned. For as much as she gets on my nerves sometimes - I hope when I get to be her age - I can handle things like she does. With my own twist of course :)

Happy Birthday to you...

When we are young, we look forward to our birthday. It is a day we become older, and in most cases closer to some milestone we have set our mind on. A day where every one around us makes us feel special. You get to pass out the papers, be the line leader, sit in the front seat, pick what is for dinner. A day where your parents or those who love you make you feel special. Well, then of course there are the presents. A new bike, new clothes, a video game. If you are lucky, maybe a party with gifts.

As we get older, the day seems to loose its luster. Somewhere along the way it becomes, just another day. Why is that? I tried remembering my earliest birthday. That would be when I was 13 - we won't say what year that was. I remember I had a slumber party and my friends all got to come to the mall with me while I got my ears pierced. I remember my sister wanted to tag along with us and I hated that she wanted to. She is six years younger than me and since I was a "teen", I obviosly didn't need some little girl slowing us down, nosing into our business!

Today is TBW's birthday. We are going to visit my Mom and sister this weekend in South Carolina, so she insisted that the trip be her present. D2 and I went out and got her a couple of things last night along with some cards. As I sit and write this, I can remember how we celebrated her birthday the first year we were together. She was so sick, and we took a weekend trip to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains. She was just diagnosed with Celiac's disease (where your body can't process wheat and gluten). She weighed about 92 pounds. We had the most beautiful weekend together. I loved taking care of her and being with her in our cabin in the mountains. It was definately a special birthday weekend.

I wish I could make every birthday that special for her and for my girls. But sometimes, we are too busy, life doesn't allow you to do things you want to do. It is amazing how you look back on things and realize that how you acted when you were younger has shaped who you are today. We are going to visit that pesky little sister this weekend. She now has a beautiful family of her own. She has embraced TBW and I from the very beginning, without any hesitation. Pretty cool for some annoying little tag-a-long back in 1976 :) She is the best.

To my beautiful partner. I love you with all of my heart. You are my joy. You are my life. You are most definately my soul mate and my other half. This road has not been the easiest path, but hand in hand, heart to heart, it has been the most wonderful experience. It amazes me how we found each other. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together with many more birthdays to come...

Happy Birthday! I love you!