life lessons...

D2 is learning a lot about high school athletics. being in the bubble for so long let her believe that all is fair in sports, that all kids make the team and they all play an equal amount. She also believed that since her high school is small - she wouldn't have to work hard to make the team.

Then there was the real world - outside the bubble.

Soccer practice - after being away for three weeks...

Conditioning is hard work. You work so hard you feel like you are going to throw up... You want to quit. The coach isn't going to engage you to get you moving - you have to do that yourself.

Hopefully she knows - if she works hard and tries hard - and has a good attitude - it will pay off.

I took her to practice last night - she learned her lessons - by living it. We chatted on the way home.

Today, she gave it her all and walked off the field with a smile on her face.

That's my girl. I was so proud of her!

home again, home again...

D1 and D2 are home again. they flew in today - i had to leave a meeting to go get them. they were starved. we stopped at panera and got a bite to eat. D2 was in the garage, i went and put my arms around her and she started to cry. she wanted to stay with me - not go to her dad's house. i told her that was fine - and let her cry some more. she needs me - i know they all do - but she really is in that time of her life where she needs her mom. that makes me happy. i don't want her to be sad - but i have been feeling a bit low about the girls all going to school 45 minutes away. so many people say, "how do you do it?" i just say i do what is best for the girls. it is hard - i don't know if it is right - but i will never make them feel they are in the middle of something between their dad and me.

TBW and i had a wonderful weekend. we got a lot of furniture brought in and rearranged from my mom's house. she feels a part of us now. the house looks wonderful. we went to a cookout on the 4th - were able to see the fireworks from our back yard - with our arms wrapped around each other - it was awesome. we had some friends over on the 5th - more good times. on sunday - we just went to the pool.

we watched the bucket list this weekend. it was predictable but it was good. got us to thinking about what would be on our list. then we were talking - would it be different if we knew we were dying? what would we do? TBW said she would just like to live by the beach. i don't know...
i need to think about it. What is on your list?

Vacation Happenings...

We are home from our trip south. It was an emotional time – in many ways. We started out on the 10 hour drive around 4:30 Friday afternoon. The drive was pretty uneventful. TBW was able to secure the last available hotel in Greensboro over the phone and the couple in the lobby was peeved to say the least – since she walked in after they were in line… They had to take the smoking room. Yuck I say. Yeah for us.

We got to my sister’s house around 2:30 in the afternoon. We chatted for a while and then my sister and I went to my Mom’s house to get prepared for the upcoming days. We cried and held each other – and just missed her. You see things laying around that you just put places as you are doing things – never knowing you aren’t going to come back to them. Things with her writing on it, when her writing – a telltale sign of her growing weakness - was getting very illegible during the last weeks. We went through the rooms – pointed out the things we each wanted. Looked through a couple of things – took a deep breath and went back to the house.

Played some corn hole, drank some beer and had pizza on the porch. Enjoyed the company of each other and the kids coming in and out to visit throughout the evening. They didn’t give us much of their time – but what they did was good.

Sunday, it was time to pack up. We started with her medicine. We gathered three bags of it to take to the pharmacist to get rid of. How she kept track of it I’ll never know. Most, she wrote in a little calendar – it was weird to see when the writing stopped. We talked about how she swore someone was trying to kill her. That someone was her caretaker – and she was trying to get her to take her medicine. She even said she only wanted bottled water at one point. It makes me sad to think of being that scared. We got a lot packed. A lot of memories. TBW did the hardest job and that was to sort through her clothes and bag them up. D3 helped her – D1 and D2 couldn’t do it. Not sure if that was laziness or grief… I’ll assume the latter. Sunday night we had a family dinner at the Mexican place. Believe it or not – no margaritas were had… Sunday night, as TBW read in the bedroom. D2 watched TV near me – and I sorted through piles of paperwork. When I looked up it was after midnight. I was drained.

Monday, we continued on with the packing. The relo cubes came around 3. What a way to go – I would recommend them over uhaul any day! They dropped them right in the driveway – easy access and easy load and pickup. We stopped around 4 and had dinner at my sister’s. Steak on the grill. They eat their meals differently. They just grab and growl and the TV was up so loud I thought I was the grandma in the situation. My sister just looked like – sorry… That evening, we came back to my Mom’s early. D2 and I did some hanging and TBW was on her second book. It was relaxing.

Tuesday, The sis and I headed to the SCBMV… What a well run place. They have some ladies in the middle of the place – where you go to explain what you need – she gives you the proper paperwork (of which I already had printed out – thank you very much) and tells you after you go fill it out – come back and they give you a number. Your number is then called and you go to the window they tell you. No waiting in lines for hours like here – only to realize you are missing something or it can’t be done. Very impressed. We now own a 1992 olds 98 and a mobile home! Whoot whoot. We laughed on the way out – because no one asked to even see a death certificate or will… Now, try to cancel the telephone and you need all those papers and a piece of her scalp! The kids had called – they wanted to go to the Hard Rock park – we said they could if they all went and no whining or fighting. They lasted until 4:00… Of course, it was time to load the pods. No kids, no husband – just the mighty three women. Bring it on!!! We did it all in 2 hours. You go girls. We bungee’d everything we could. Hopefully not much will shift during the ride J. D2, TBW and I went to dinner and the others ate at home. We met them at my nephew’s baseball game. They won in extra innings. Good game. We were tired!

Weds morning, we headed to the beach. If my beer intake over the next three days wasn’t so much – I am sure the sweating I did packing the cubes and car would have made me a little lighter. I guess we’ll worry about that later gator! We pulled in because they told us to come early and enjoy the pool. Got to the pool – ka boom – thunder… Back to the garage where our cars were. The kids laid on their beach towels, listened to ipods and played DS. Sis and I had a couple beers while sitting in our chairs. TBW held fort at the front desk… Hoping to get them moving along. Our room was wonderful – two bedrooms – one for the adults – one for the kids. Dinner at the Japanese steakhouse. I’ll have to tell that funny story in another post. D2 definitely doesn’t know when she is being flirted with…


Thursday morning was sunny. We headed to the pool. The kids came down as they woke up… The last one straggling in around noon. We floated in the lazy river… Drank a lot of beer… and swam in the pool. The kids had pizza and went to play putt putt… the adults went to drunkin jack’s. We did just that. TBW was the driver – she is a gem – as always. The Bloody Mary’s were great.

Friday we spent at the beach. Eventually the pool… Didn’t want the week to end. We went for burgers for dinner and could have used more down time before the drive home.

All in all – it could have been a lot more stressful than what it was. D1 and D2 are staying another week. We are back at work. That is the way life rolls.

where does the time go?

school is out... sports have died down - except for the high school activities - which the girls can drive to themselves... we have been so busy.

TBW and D3 and I will be driving to SC today and tomorrow. D2 and D1 flew yesterday - no hitches - on their own. another new milestone. we will be cleaning my mom's house for a couple of days, the relo cubes will be picked up and then we will head to the beach - for some relaxing time.

my mom's death won't hit me until we reach her home, enter and she isn't there. packing up her things that meant the world to her - yet we don't know what to do with - is sad. it will hit me then - like a ton of bricks.

D2 graduated 8th grade at the bubble school. she was very upset and sentimental at the end of the ceremony. after she cried for a while - i told her - don't worry those girls who were biotches a few days ago will show their true colors again in fall - so it is all good. going from big fish to small fish is new for her.

D1 finished the year with great grades, a new found independence with driving and going as she pleases. just waiting for the drinking and first real relationship to take hold. it scares me.

D3 is still 10 going on 17. she is the most responsible and the most willing to just hang with mom.

TBW and I have gotten back some nights alone while the girls are at their dad's house. that is nice too. we need that time.

our neighbor and friend moved 15 minutes away - we miss her.

the only other gay couple we know are splitting up...

time is changing. as always. there is always hope in tomorrow - and joy in today.
especially when the beach is involved...

ready to leave the bubble

D2 was off to kings island today with her class. she is getting near the end of the school year like everyone else and she is ready to bust out of the bubble. she said her friends are already treating her badly because she isn't going to bubble high. people! she said she is done... i don't blame her...

we have been so busy lately... just like everyone else. we took D3 to kentucky to the newport aquarium this weekend - we all had a great time. she bought a chapter book and read it on the in-between times... made me think back to the books i used to read. she doesn't have any interest in them. one of my favorites was, are you there god, it's me margaret? and then eventually forever... they were so good. she isn't even into the ramona books. if it doesn't have to do with sponge bob - it isn't cool.

TBW's daughter got a puppy named luigi... she got a mountain bike and she wants to "do" triathalons. yeah - me too. ha ha.

we have hads kidlets around quite a bit lately - at least the weather is warming up and there is activity in the bubble. who knew?

frustrated...

our main computer has been on the fritz for months on end... i had it up and running put in a new dvd burner and it wasn't working again... the cable came apart - could it be that simple? HA HA - no way!!! BUT TBW says it can... We will see who is right - I hope she is!

then there is the ongoing saga of getting my mom's accounts in order and getting the ability to access them. i really think that most places i am dealing with never have anyone die. i think they have had customers forever!

the electric company wanted to charge me $30 to put the bill in my name so i could pay her bill. she currently has it deducted from her checking account. the account that i am trying to close - so i wanted to make sure it got paid. but they wanted to charge me - i told them to send me the bill! they could do that! why don't they do that in the first place.

the bank told me i needed: power of attorney - i told them that was for when she was alive. then it was a certified death certificate - i could bring it in - there are no branches in this state. i could fax it - i told her then it wouldn't be certified... now i need to take the will to the probate court, get a form signed by the judge - and then we can access the dough. it is all a pain...

i am making a cheat sheet of all that needs to be done - so my kids never have to go through all this - of course it will all change by then.

got the bills from both funeral homes... i think the ocean is a good place for me...

could the gas prices get any higher? i guess they will... when are the big wigs gonna regulate that? it is definately frustrating!!!!

life is changing

as i have often said - life is changing - i guess if it wasn't - we wouldn't really be living. we have our neighbor and her daughter living here for a week or so while their new condo is being updated.

we are finalizing our plans for going to myrtle beach to finalize all of my mom's things... of which there are many. i need to write a cheat list so that if and when someone else close dies - i can remember all the stuff. ways to avoid probate, taxes, saving for this, filing that - freezing accounts, paying accounts - it goes on and on...

tbw's daughter has decided to stay in denver and not move to nyc with mr. perfect. she got a puppy named luigi. she is moving with one of her roommates - trying to find another place. she is somewhat uncertain about her life right now - as it is changing...

D2 is getting ready to graduate 8th grade. to go to a new high school - one where none of her friends are going. new changes for her - she is excited about that. D1 is looking for her first real job for the summer.

it is all a whirl wind... it is all good... well if it isn't at first - it somehow turns that way! especially with TBW at your side! enjoy your changes!