what is a mother to do?

A few of the RSG (recovering straight girl) blogs out there have been addressing the issue of coming out. obviously being an RSG, means that you are coming out later in life and this is to your family - parents and/or children. I am often envious when I read those blogs because most, if not all of them have children, many of them are younger, not too many with older kids. Their outing seemed to be behind them, and they have support from their kids and parents. My story is a bit different.

My parents consist of my Mom. My Dad died in 1983. She never remarried (that is a whole other blog) and she currently lives in South Carolina. I had inklings of who I was throughout my young life, but never really given the option of dating a girl, I never really gave it much credence. I had thoughts, feelings and wonderings, but never thought I could do something about them. That was the environment I lived in. My Mom loved my X and I never let her in on my personal life with him. I did what I was expected to do (marry and reproduce) and just was... When I met TBW, I know she knew there was more to it than friendship. Mothers just know. She let it slide. She, like everyone else around me couldn't understand how I could leave "the good life" and try it on my own. I didn't want to tell her because I knew she wouldn't accept it. You just stayed married. That is what she did. She found out by telling my story to the nurse while she was in the hospital. The nurse told her I was gay. I have never met that nurse. She denied my relationship and who I was the first year of my divorce. I wrote her a very long letter that took me many hours to write. She threw it away, unopened. In the year or so, she has come to terms with who I am. It hasn't been easy and for sure she doesn't still completely understand me. But, she does try, and she does accept TBW as my partner.

When I came out, my daughters were 7, 10 and 13. I didn't really come out in the best way - not that given my circumstance there would be a good way. Being they were all in different stages of development, telling them was in different ways. Long story short, my oldest had the most problem. It was all the gossip in our bubble. The bubble-ites love some good gossip. So the down side was things her friend's parents said and made up that hurt her. I understood that and we dealt with it accordingly. That is why we didn't have a grand opening of coming out - so to speak. She had her own issues as far as her friends, school and sports were concerned. She wanted to start fresh, in the town I grew up, at a much smaller high school. I was so proud of her for doing that. This is the town the X practices in, so getting her there isn't a problem. She is thriving there.

But then we have the X. He is very homophobic. He has family to back it. They love to gossip and they love to be the type of "christians" who judge others and get the juicy story. They think I suck, am an awful mother to do this to her children, and that I am just making my girls' life miserable. I have always wanted to work for the best interest of the girls. To never make them a victim of parent's fighting for their love out of guilt or making them choose A or B. That is what he said he wanted too.

The problem is, D1 is living with him and his new wife in that town. Their values and "ways" are rubbing off on her. That with the fact she has her own suv, credit card and no curfew make me look not so good.

I am having a hard time with it all. Why are people so bigoted? We are not weird, derranged or immoral. I don't care about the X - he has been that way since I've known him. I am scared D1 is going to be too much like him. Sometimes we put ourselves in such a pristine bubble, it sucks to live in it. I just want to love my wonderful partner and give my girls the best I can. Sometimes it just seems there are too many things going against me in achieving that. I won't give up though, but sometimes I sure do get beaten down.