Just Waiting...

Well, we seem to be in waiting mode.

Waiting to get my discount on my phone that we just bought...

Waiting for TBW to qualify for a new phone...

Waiting for D1 to be decent to TBW...

Waiting for TBW to finish tutoring so we can start dinner...

Waiting for the dogs to settle down...

Waiting for my Mom to quit suffering...

My Mom is still facing her battle. Where as I am not ready to let her go, I don't want her to suffer any more. I can barely understand her now on the phone. The first question I ask her each day was usually, "How are you feeling today?" No need to ask that. Then I would ask, "What is for dinner?" Another mute question. I was up most of last night thinking about different things.

When she goes, I won't have a parent living. Someone I have always depended on. Someone who was there for me when I needed her. What does she feel? I know she is in pain. She doesn't know what day it is. She can't eat. She can't have her famous martinis. She can't even go to her front porch and say her prayers.

What does she think about? My sister says she has been talking to my Grandma. Wonder if she really sees her and is talking to her? Does she remember her life? Her struggles? Her successes? Her first boyfriend? First kiss? Her Mom and Dad? Her Grandparents?

Is she scared? You can't stop it, you have no control over it. Is she really proud of me - or was she just trying to get along?

Does she have regrets? Does she think about them? What would she do differently if she could do it all again?

Why is it people come to the funeral home, yet none of those people (well most of them anyways) never visited her in her house. Why don't we socialize any more? We all know life is limited - yet we live it like it is endless. Then we get to the end, we wish we would have done things differently.

She probably feels that way about her smoking. If she would have quit 10 years earlier - she probably would still be in her "nest" (that is what she calls her favorite chair) drinking her martinis. But we all put things off - whatever it is - weight loss, an apology, drinking, smoking, our outlook, etc.

I guess it is time to quit waiting so much. Tomorrow might not come. Make the changes today. At least begin now. What have you go to loose?