Haul out the holly...

Yesterday, I ordered a present for my Aunt online, guaranteed two-day delivery. She will get it today or tomorrow. Last night, while I was mixing the cookie dough for our sugar cookies, the doorbell rang, and there was a package on the front porch. It was a holly plant from my Aunt. The last time I saw my Aunt was at her son's funeral. The time before that was 9 months prior at my Uncle's (her husband's) funeral. The time before that, was the night I went over to tell them I was getting divorced. This is a span of three years.

When I went over to tell them, the X went with me. My Dad and my Uncle were brothers. My Dad passed away in 1983, so my Uncle "filled in" as needed in my Dad's role. This was mainly at our wedding, walking me down the aisle. My uncle was who the X went into practice with, so that is why we went together. My family on that side can drink like no others. If you ever reach the bottom of your glass with no liquid left, inebriation is yours. So, given that scenario, long story short, I didn't get to actually talk about why we had come, until we were getting ready to leave. I fwas inally was able to break the news to them. They assured me they still loved me and supported me, although they wanted us to work through it. A few weeks later, the X went over again (to fix his computer) and he called me around midnight (he was supposed to pick the girls up at 10) and he was so drunk, he said the rode was blurry. I told him to go to his Mom's (he was close) and he ended up at my Mom's. I guess he didn't want her to know how drunk he was? Who knows. Anyway, I would imagine during that time with my Aunt and Uncle, he had the opportunity to "spil lthe beans" about my sexual orientation. He would still deny it to this day - butI know otherwise now (then, I believed him - I am that naive).

For as long as I can remember, we spent Christmas day with this side of the family. We met at their house around noon and stayed until about four in the afternoon, to drive back to the X's brother's house for dinner with them. The year of the divorce, I called my Uncle and asked if I could bring my "friend" (TBW) and her daughter. It was a rather informal affair, lots of different folks stopping in and out, drinking of course... He said he didn't think so. It was family only. I told him I respected his opinion, but that I wouldn't be able to come either. He said a few more things that were hurtful, and we hung up. The X of course was still planning on taking the girls over to "the party". What a dick. (But I digress). Unfortunately he came down with the flu on Christmas Eve and never made it.

After many months of not talking to my Uncle, I decided to write him a letter. Life was too short, and I didn't want things to be this way between us. I got a card that was suitable and poured out a heartfelt letter. The day he received the letter, it sat unopened on the kitchen counter. That night, he died of an aneurism, while walking the dog. They found him in the driveway. He fell into a coma, and died later the next day. He didn't read my letter. I remember getting the call from my sister. We had just gotten to a track meet forD1 and D2. I had gone back to the car to get a blanket (cause it is that cold in the spring) and my phone rang. I couldn't believe it. It was exactly that reason that I had written the letter. Life is short. We have to let go and just love those we can.

I have never dreaded going into a funeral home as much as I did that one. At that point I didn't know if he had read the letter or not. I hadn't talked to my Aunt in such a long time. Would I be welcomed, or shunned? With that side of the family, problems are not talked about, they are dealt with as discretely as possible and then let go. So, I didn't know who knew what, about whom... I walked in and my one cousin came over, gave me a huge hug and walked me into where the private ceremony was to be held. My Aunt came and gave me a hug and we both cried. We held each other for a while, both of our bodies shaking as the tears came. He never read the letter and my last words with him were our fight on the phone.

So, that is how things were left between us. Now that he is gone, my cousin (the only one of the six of them left in that hometown) is gone, my Mom has moved, so we don't get together for Christmas anymore. I am sure she will move away from that town soon. The cousin that came to hug me, her husband died at his desk a few months ago. So, I assume she will move closer to her. My Aunt sends me a gift in April for my birthday, and I send her one in September for hers... Then we have the online purchaseses for Christmas that we have just exchanged. Maybe it is time to actually call her and go visit her. Because after all... Life is short.