Christmas has come and gone. It was a restful and relaxing holiday, which is good. Why is it the time we spend off from work goes so quickly, while the time I spend at work doesn't? The girls spent Christmas Eve with their Dad and came to our house Christmas day. They are staying until Saturday. Our relaxing timet ogether has been interrupted by a basketball tournament and practice. I won't complain though.
TBW was so excited about her present. We are going to Denver to see her daughter from the 10th to the 14th. We get to see her cheer, meet "Mr. Perfect" and go skiing. Sounds like a fun trip. TBW gave me a ton of clothes and a beautiful David Yurman cross. We are definately blessed. Christmas eve, we had dinner with TBW's son and a friend. We enjoyed talking and opening presents in front of the fire. We went to midnight mass and slept in. I don't miss getting up at the crack of dawn to see what santa brought. I liked it then, but enjoy the slow paced routine we now embrace.
TBW and I watched a few movies until the girls arrived. Overall it was a relaxing time. It is weird not seeing relatives, but it was a nice time.
We have been somewhat spoiled I guess you can say. We have one teen living with us full time. The other two are with their Dad and with us on the weekends. I forgot how D3 can grate on everyone's nerves and how they bicker back and forth non-stop. It appears the older two have added various four-lettered words into their vocabulary. Didn't think I'd walk in on that one yet - but did. All I have to say to it all is $#%#$%# %^%^$^&!! he he....
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Haul out the holly...
Yesterday, I ordered a present for my Aunt online, guaranteed two-day delivery. She will get it today or tomorrow. Last night, while I was mixing the cookie dough for our sugar cookies, the doorbell rang, and there was a package on the front porch. It was a holly plant from my Aunt. The last time I saw my Aunt was at her son's funeral. The time before that was 9 months prior at my Uncle's (her husband's) funeral. The time before that, was the night I went over to tell them I was getting divorced. This is a span of three years.
When I went over to tell them, the X went with me. My Dad and my Uncle were brothers. My Dad passed away in 1983, so my Uncle "filled in" as needed in my Dad's role. This was mainly at our wedding, walking me down the aisle. My uncle was who the X went into practice with, so that is why we went together. My family on that side can drink like no others. If you ever reach the bottom of your glass with no liquid left, inebriation is yours. So, given that scenario, long story short, I didn't get to actually talk about why we had come, until we were getting ready to leave. I fwas inally was able to break the news to them. They assured me they still loved me and supported me, although they wanted us to work through it. A few weeks later, the X went over again (to fix his computer) and he called me around midnight (he was supposed to pick the girls up at 10) and he was so drunk, he said the rode was blurry. I told him to go to his Mom's (he was close) and he ended up at my Mom's. I guess he didn't want her to know how drunk he was? Who knows. Anyway, I would imagine during that time with my Aunt and Uncle, he had the opportunity to "spil lthe beans" about my sexual orientation. He would still deny it to this day - butI know otherwise now (then, I believed him - I am that naive).
For as long as I can remember, we spent Christmas day with this side of the family. We met at their house around noon and stayed until about four in the afternoon, to drive back to the X's brother's house for dinner with them. The year of the divorce, I called my Uncle and asked if I could bring my "friend" (TBW) and her daughter. It was a rather informal affair, lots of different folks stopping in and out, drinking of course... He said he didn't think so. It was family only. I told him I respected his opinion, but that I wouldn't be able to come either. He said a few more things that were hurtful, and we hung up. The X of course was still planning on taking the girls over to "the party". What a dick. (But I digress). Unfortunately he came down with the flu on Christmas Eve and never made it.
After many months of not talking to my Uncle, I decided to write him a letter. Life was too short, and I didn't want things to be this way between us. I got a card that was suitable and poured out a heartfelt letter. The day he received the letter, it sat unopened on the kitchen counter. That night, he died of an aneurism, while walking the dog. They found him in the driveway. He fell into a coma, and died later the next day. He didn't read my letter. I remember getting the call from my sister. We had just gotten to a track meet forD1 and D2. I had gone back to the car to get a blanket (cause it is that cold in the spring) and my phone rang. I couldn't believe it. It was exactly that reason that I had written the letter. Life is short. We have to let go and just love those we can.
I have never dreaded going into a funeral home as much as I did that one. At that point I didn't know if he had read the letter or not. I hadn't talked to my Aunt in such a long time. Would I be welcomed, or shunned? With that side of the family, problems are not talked about, they are dealt with as discretely as possible and then let go. So, I didn't know who knew what, about whom... I walked in and my one cousin came over, gave me a huge hug and walked me into where the private ceremony was to be held. My Aunt came and gave me a hug and we both cried. We held each other for a while, both of our bodies shaking as the tears came. He never read the letter and my last words with him were our fight on the phone.
So, that is how things were left between us. Now that he is gone, my cousin (the only one of the six of them left in that hometown) is gone, my Mom has moved, so we don't get together for Christmas anymore. I am sure she will move away from that town soon. The cousin that came to hug me, her husband died at his desk a few months ago. So, I assume she will move closer to her. My Aunt sends me a gift in April for my birthday, and I send her one in September for hers... Then we have the online purchaseses for Christmas that we have just exchanged. Maybe it is time to actually call her and go visit her. Because after all... Life is short.
When I went over to tell them, the X went with me. My Dad and my Uncle were brothers. My Dad passed away in 1983, so my Uncle "filled in" as needed in my Dad's role. This was mainly at our wedding, walking me down the aisle. My uncle was who the X went into practice with, so that is why we went together. My family on that side can drink like no others. If you ever reach the bottom of your glass with no liquid left, inebriation is yours. So, given that scenario, long story short, I didn't get to actually talk about why we had come, until we were getting ready to leave. I fwas inally was able to break the news to them. They assured me they still loved me and supported me, although they wanted us to work through it. A few weeks later, the X went over again (to fix his computer) and he called me around midnight (he was supposed to pick the girls up at 10) and he was so drunk, he said the rode was blurry. I told him to go to his Mom's (he was close) and he ended up at my Mom's. I guess he didn't want her to know how drunk he was? Who knows. Anyway, I would imagine during that time with my Aunt and Uncle, he had the opportunity to "spil lthe beans" about my sexual orientation. He would still deny it to this day - butI know otherwise now (then, I believed him - I am that naive).
For as long as I can remember, we spent Christmas day with this side of the family. We met at their house around noon and stayed until about four in the afternoon, to drive back to the X's brother's house for dinner with them. The year of the divorce, I called my Uncle and asked if I could bring my "friend" (TBW) and her daughter. It was a rather informal affair, lots of different folks stopping in and out, drinking of course... He said he didn't think so. It was family only. I told him I respected his opinion, but that I wouldn't be able to come either. He said a few more things that were hurtful, and we hung up. The X of course was still planning on taking the girls over to "the party". What a dick. (But I digress). Unfortunately he came down with the flu on Christmas Eve and never made it.
After many months of not talking to my Uncle, I decided to write him a letter. Life was too short, and I didn't want things to be this way between us. I got a card that was suitable and poured out a heartfelt letter. The day he received the letter, it sat unopened on the kitchen counter. That night, he died of an aneurism, while walking the dog. They found him in the driveway. He fell into a coma, and died later the next day. He didn't read my letter. I remember getting the call from my sister. We had just gotten to a track meet forD1 and D2. I had gone back to the car to get a blanket (cause it is that cold in the spring) and my phone rang. I couldn't believe it. It was exactly that reason that I had written the letter. Life is short. We have to let go and just love those we can.
I have never dreaded going into a funeral home as much as I did that one. At that point I didn't know if he had read the letter or not. I hadn't talked to my Aunt in such a long time. Would I be welcomed, or shunned? With that side of the family, problems are not talked about, they are dealt with as discretely as possible and then let go. So, I didn't know who knew what, about whom... I walked in and my one cousin came over, gave me a huge hug and walked me into where the private ceremony was to be held. My Aunt came and gave me a hug and we both cried. We held each other for a while, both of our bodies shaking as the tears came. He never read the letter and my last words with him were our fight on the phone.
So, that is how things were left between us. Now that he is gone, my cousin (the only one of the six of them left in that hometown) is gone, my Mom has moved, so we don't get together for Christmas anymore. I am sure she will move away from that town soon. The cousin that came to hug me, her husband died at his desk a few months ago. So, I assume she will move closer to her. My Aunt sends me a gift in April for my birthday, and I send her one in September for hers... Then we have the online purchaseses for Christmas that we have just exchanged. Maybe it is time to actually call her and go visit her. Because after all... Life is short.
Monday, December 17, 2007
ho ho not so much...
i think this is the first year i haven't really felt like Christmas is coming. We have all of our shopping finished, none of it is wrapped, and the cookies that D3 and I made have all been eaten. None of them saved to give to our neighbors with their gifts. The tree is beautiful - but it is the first time in forever that it is artificial. (Hey TBW, I do like the tree, I am not complaining - honest!). TBW's daughter moved to Denver this year, it is her first year in the working world and she isn't coming home for the holidays. I guess it is just full of change, and when you think of your holiday time, it is usually filled with tradition. None are right or wrong - they are just what you remember doing to celebrate.
When I was young, we always went to my Grandma's for Christmas Eve, church on Christmas day, after we opened presents, and then to my other Grandma's for Christmas dinner. I always remember waiting until my parents went to bed, and sneaking out to take a look at what was under the tree in the middle of the night. Santa never wrapped our gifts, so we could see what he had brought. There was always one thing that I really wanted - it would be the first thing I hunted.
It is hard to establish traditions when we are all moving around so much. But I am coming to realize, we have a warm house, filled with love, we have jobs and are able to be together. That is a wonderful tradition, no matter what day it is celebrated on, or how it is celebrated. So it is time to get into the spirit, enjoy the holidays and have a cup of cheer!
Friday, December 14, 2007
random thoughts
Why is it people assume that what your partner/husband/wife does for a living, you are an expert in as well?
I was talking to my Mom on the phone yesterday, as I always do on my way home from work. Of course she was thinking about getting her tax returns done for the year. My cousin (who worked as a partner in an accounting firm for many years) used to do them and had done them for many years. He passed away last April. So, last year, an associate of his did them for her. Of course she never received a bill for the work - he had always done them "pro-bono". So my Mom tells me she is going to call my cousin's wife to see if they will still do her taxes. As a side note, my cousin and his wife were a day away from their divorce being final when he died. She is a nurse. I told my Mom not to bother the wife with that, she wouldn't have an answer for her. I told her to call the gal that did them for her and ask what the charge would be for this year and if she was still interested in doing them. My Mom's only income is from her investments, which is enough for her to live. Her return can't be that complicated. I told her if they were going to charge, let me know and I would do it myself.
That got me to thinking about the many times when I was married that people would ask me medical questions. What are people thinking? It always made me laugh.
What is the best way to communicate with your teen?
D2 is not a morning person. She will admit it and anything I say to her in the morning usually results in a grumble, or goes in one ear and out of the other. When she gets home from school, she likes to "plan" her evening, so she can get her recorded shows watched, her homework done and whatever else she needs to do accomplished. Problem is, the things I told her in the morning aren't part of her agenda. So, we put a small white board on her door. Each morning, I write down what she has that day, and what I need her to do. That way, when she has her time, she can read it and comprehend it. It has worked well. Many mornings, I will write her a note, or draw some kind of silly picture. I laughed this morning, because she had erased my message from yesterday, drew a bed, with zzzz's coming out of it, and wrote, "I gotta go to school... and it sucks!!!" I didn't have the heart to erase it this morning. I just wrote her another note that said to do well on her tests and that I loved her. I think we are on to something!
I have the best wife in the world!
Who else would go to the store, buy the fixins' for chili, make the chili (for my work potluck) AND make dinner for us, after working a full day? All with an arm that is still really sore from her broken wrist. She is wonderful!
I was talking to my Mom on the phone yesterday, as I always do on my way home from work. Of course she was thinking about getting her tax returns done for the year. My cousin (who worked as a partner in an accounting firm for many years) used to do them and had done them for many years. He passed away last April. So, last year, an associate of his did them for her. Of course she never received a bill for the work - he had always done them "pro-bono". So my Mom tells me she is going to call my cousin's wife to see if they will still do her taxes. As a side note, my cousin and his wife were a day away from their divorce being final when he died. She is a nurse. I told my Mom not to bother the wife with that, she wouldn't have an answer for her. I told her to call the gal that did them for her and ask what the charge would be for this year and if she was still interested in doing them. My Mom's only income is from her investments, which is enough for her to live. Her return can't be that complicated. I told her if they were going to charge, let me know and I would do it myself.
That got me to thinking about the many times when I was married that people would ask me medical questions. What are people thinking? It always made me laugh.
What is the best way to communicate with your teen?
D2 is not a morning person. She will admit it and anything I say to her in the morning usually results in a grumble, or goes in one ear and out of the other. When she gets home from school, she likes to "plan" her evening, so she can get her recorded shows watched, her homework done and whatever else she needs to do accomplished. Problem is, the things I told her in the morning aren't part of her agenda. So, we put a small white board on her door. Each morning, I write down what she has that day, and what I need her to do. That way, when she has her time, she can read it and comprehend it. It has worked well. Many mornings, I will write her a note, or draw some kind of silly picture. I laughed this morning, because she had erased my message from yesterday, drew a bed, with zzzz's coming out of it, and wrote, "I gotta go to school... and it sucks!!!" I didn't have the heart to erase it this morning. I just wrote her another note that said to do well on her tests and that I loved her. I think we are on to something!
I have the best wife in the world!
Who else would go to the store, buy the fixins' for chili, make the chili (for my work potluck) AND make dinner for us, after working a full day? All with an arm that is still really sore from her broken wrist. She is wonderful!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Go Team!
Last night, D2 and I went to see D1 play basketball. The drive is about 45 minutes, so I had time to spend with D2, just the two of us. Her attitude lately has been a bit gruff, to say the least. During the ride over, I could tell she had her normal attitude, so we didn't talk much. If I ask her a question, I am being nosey, if I make a statement, I am being too sensitive. I did laugh because after she gave me a bunch of tone, her friend called and she was sweet as pie! When we got there, I wanted to take some pictures of D1, and D2 decided she was going to sit at the top row of the bleachers where it was dark. I asked her why she was sitting there, and her reply was, "I like the dark." I went down about 10 rows and sat by myself. Her Dad came in sometime after the game started and went and sat with her. He later came back down and asked me what was wrong with D2. I said, "She is 13". Secretly, I was happy she had the same attitude towards him...
It was a good game and I enjoy watching all of my girls play their sports. D1 came and sat with me for a while after the JV game, and we got caught up on things. She is going to a dance this weekend and she has a date! She has been going to the tanning bed and she needs a new dress! Ahhh... the essentials. I am happy for her and hope she has a great time. I miss having her around, but her switching schools was the best thing for her. It makes me happy that she saw an opportunity and she took it. When she left me, she went up and gave her sister a hug and sat with her for a minute. D2 and I left after the first quarter of the varsity game.
On the way home, D2 was finally her old self. Apparently last Saturday, after D1's game, she was hurt by the fact that D1 didn't say anything to her at all. That was when the attitude had started. We talked a little about it, but I didn't want to push too much. She'll talk more as the week continues. Amazing what a hug from a loved one can do for you.
I missed TBW while I was gone. I came home and she was in bed with all three dogs surrounding her. At least she had someone protecting her and keeping her company. I am sure they didn't have a "tone" with her, just non-stop movement and puppy play!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
no box to check
Yesterday, TBW had her appointment with the orthopedic guy. This particular practice is huge. We checked in and went into this waiting area that was as big as most doctor's offices that I have been in. She was given two forms to fill out requesting the normal medical information. As I was filling in the information, I came to the "marital status" box. I asked her what she wanted me to pick. The choices were: married, single, widowed, divorced. She said, "Write in, living with partner". So I did. Got to the second form, and on that one, there were no choices listed, it just said, "Marital status" and a blank line. I thought it should be left blank because that is what we qualify for - nothing. She told me to write it in again. Her new cast is a beauty... She had him make it like a candy cane. She is so beautiful and feastive.
We have gotten a few cards in the mail already and all of them include TBW - which is cool. Since we never really had an official "coming out", it is interesting to see. We have always said we don't want to take out a billboard, but we want to be seen as a couple. To your real friends, being who we are doesn't matter. This is our third holiday season in the bubble and life is finally settling in around us as a couple. I normally include a picture of the girls in our cards, but getting them all together, looking picture ready, might be a difficult task this year. I am sure we will come up with something.
In the meantime, my emergency contact is TBW, and we are "none-of-the-above", but one day we hope to be married...
We have gotten a few cards in the mail already and all of them include TBW - which is cool. Since we never really had an official "coming out", it is interesting to see. We have always said we don't want to take out a billboard, but we want to be seen as a couple. To your real friends, being who we are doesn't matter. This is our third holiday season in the bubble and life is finally settling in around us as a couple. I normally include a picture of the girls in our cards, but getting them all together, looking picture ready, might be a difficult task this year. I am sure we will come up with something.
In the meantime, my emergency contact is TBW, and we are "none-of-the-above", but one day we hope to be married...
Monday, December 10, 2007
part 3
The end of the school year was days away, and we had a ton of work to do on the dvd. My thoughts were constantly consumed with how I felt about this woman. The faceless woman of my dreams now had a face. I had never in my life felt the way I did when I was with her. Being with her seemed like an impossibility, but trying to not let anything happen was a force that was getting harder to fight. We put together the most incredible dvd and she sent them out to each child in her classroom.
Summer had started and we would meet early in the mornings to walk around our lake, at a nearby park. It was during those walks that we decided that being without each other was not an option. This was a huge step for both of us. I still don't know where I got the courage - I would assume finding your soulmate and being so in love helped. It was a difficult summer. Finding time to be together was very tough, and almost impossible, she had to go through mediation with the other teachers to solve how they were going to progress for the next school year, I had to be away on vacation for 10 days, dealing with our kids, the X's, etc. It was very tough. We decided to move in together near the end of the summer when my X had the kids in Michigan for a long weekend.
I have glossed over a lot of the details which were very painful, but they formed who we are today. While many of the details will remain unsaid and in the past, the fact that TBW was
drastically loosing weight won't. She was developing severe stomach problems and they appeared to be getting worse with each passing week. Summer was coming to a close, and we were becoming settled in our apartment. The girls were adjusting to the divorce - and we seemed to be moving along with life. A couple of days before the new school year, we went to set up TBW's office. I didn't do much - other than help her carrythings into her room. We had told the girls that financially I needed a roommate and that TBW needed a place to stay. Just "coming out" in the bubble, given the lives we led, wasn't feasible. We needed to develop a
"strategy". The day before school, I took the girls in to meet their teachers. We went back to the apartment afterwards and I was getting our computers set up and the phone rang. TBW told me to come pick her up because she had just been fired. I thought she was joking - based on what had been going on with her and how she talked on the phone with her teacher friends. She wasn't joking. Apparently, her aide was fired at the end of the previous school year due to the problems mentioned prior. She apparently had thought that TBW was the reason for her getting fired. So, she marched into the office and told the principal that TBW was not married either and she too was living with someone. She figured tit for tat.
I have never felt so much sadness for someone. Teaching is her passion and she is amazing at it. She was devastated. They wanted her to sign papers stating that she quit and she refused. This is how they had fired many in the past. If you didn't sign, they would give no further recommendations and you were basically screwed. The priest told her something about how she was "immoral and she defaced the C* church". She fought back, but the meetings with the union, and her lawyer basically left her without a job because of the endless supply of money backing the church. Luckily for her, parent's of students heard and a few of them offered her a job if she wanted it. She took one of the jobs and is still working there today.
It was the final blow of being fired that sent TBW's stomach into total chaos. With no insurance for 30 days after starting her new job, she waited to go to the doctor (also a Mom at the bubble school) as long as possible. At this point, we figured she had stomach cancer. She was in a
size 4 and they only stayed up with the help of a belt. She was finally diagnosed with celiac's disease. That is the body's inability to process wheat and gluten, etc. So, everything you do to calm a queasy stomach (chicken noodle soup, crackers, etc) was making her more sick. She passed out at work, and tore the ligaments in her foot, which put her on crutches. Problem was, she wasn't strong enough to pull herself along on the crutches. Finally one Tuesday night, we had the girls, and I went up to bed, and found her on the bathroom floor, her limbs were frozen and she was barely concious. I wasn't taking no for an answer again, we were going to the hospital. I bypassed normal doctor protocol, and called the doc at home. I emailed the doc she worked for, who was online, and as soon as the X got there, we carried her to the car. Of course it was pouring rain, we loaded her up, and walked into the ER, and both docs had arranged for
her to go straight into a room. Basically her body was shutting down, she had no potassium, magnesium or calcium left in her body (because everything she ate shot right out of her). She was so close to death, and it was very scary.
So, in a huge nutshell, that is how she got to where she is today. We have both gained back her weight :) and she can't get a recommendation to teach in this area. We have made it through so
much. Just recapping it has brought back many more details which I didn't go into, but it is amazing that we made it through it all. She has often said, that as devastating as it all was, she would do it again in a heartbeat. I would too, but I would also like to see her teach again. They need her and she needs them. I need her too... She is my other half...
Summer had started and we would meet early in the mornings to walk around our lake, at a nearby park. It was during those walks that we decided that being without each other was not an option. This was a huge step for both of us. I still don't know where I got the courage - I would assume finding your soulmate and being so in love helped. It was a difficult summer. Finding time to be together was very tough, and almost impossible, she had to go through mediation with the other teachers to solve how they were going to progress for the next school year, I had to be away on vacation for 10 days, dealing with our kids, the X's, etc. It was very tough. We decided to move in together near the end of the summer when my X had the kids in Michigan for a long weekend.
I have glossed over a lot of the details which were very painful, but they formed who we are today. While many of the details will remain unsaid and in the past, the fact that TBW was
drastically loosing weight won't. She was developing severe stomach problems and they appeared to be getting worse with each passing week. Summer was coming to a close, and we were becoming settled in our apartment. The girls were adjusting to the divorce - and we seemed to be moving along with life. A couple of days before the new school year, we went to set up TBW's office. I didn't do much - other than help her carrythings into her room. We had told the girls that financially I needed a roommate and that TBW needed a place to stay. Just "coming out" in the bubble, given the lives we led, wasn't feasible. We needed to develop a
"strategy". The day before school, I took the girls in to meet their teachers. We went back to the apartment afterwards and I was getting our computers set up and the phone rang. TBW told me to come pick her up because she had just been fired. I thought she was joking - based on what had been going on with her and how she talked on the phone with her teacher friends. She wasn't joking. Apparently, her aide was fired at the end of the previous school year due to the problems mentioned prior. She apparently had thought that TBW was the reason for her getting fired. So, she marched into the office and told the principal that TBW was not married either and she too was living with someone. She figured tit for tat.
I have never felt so much sadness for someone. Teaching is her passion and she is amazing at it. She was devastated. They wanted her to sign papers stating that she quit and she refused. This is how they had fired many in the past. If you didn't sign, they would give no further recommendations and you were basically screwed. The priest told her something about how she was "immoral and she defaced the C* church". She fought back, but the meetings with the union, and her lawyer basically left her without a job because of the endless supply of money backing the church. Luckily for her, parent's of students heard and a few of them offered her a job if she wanted it. She took one of the jobs and is still working there today.
It was the final blow of being fired that sent TBW's stomach into total chaos. With no insurance for 30 days after starting her new job, she waited to go to the doctor (also a Mom at the bubble school) as long as possible. At this point, we figured she had stomach cancer. She was in a
size 4 and they only stayed up with the help of a belt. She was finally diagnosed with celiac's disease. That is the body's inability to process wheat and gluten, etc. So, everything you do to calm a queasy stomach (chicken noodle soup, crackers, etc) was making her more sick. She passed out at work, and tore the ligaments in her foot, which put her on crutches. Problem was, she wasn't strong enough to pull herself along on the crutches. Finally one Tuesday night, we had the girls, and I went up to bed, and found her on the bathroom floor, her limbs were frozen and she was barely concious. I wasn't taking no for an answer again, we were going to the hospital. I bypassed normal doctor protocol, and called the doc at home. I emailed the doc she worked for, who was online, and as soon as the X got there, we carried her to the car. Of course it was pouring rain, we loaded her up, and walked into the ER, and both docs had arranged for
her to go straight into a room. Basically her body was shutting down, she had no potassium, magnesium or calcium left in her body (because everything she ate shot right out of her). She was so close to death, and it was very scary.
So, in a huge nutshell, that is how she got to where she is today. We have both gained back her weight :) and she can't get a recommendation to teach in this area. We have made it through so
much. Just recapping it has brought back many more details which I didn't go into, but it is amazing that we made it through it all. She has often said, that as devastating as it all was, she would do it again in a heartbeat. I would too, but I would also like to see her teach again. They need her and she needs them. I need her too... She is my other half...
Thursday, December 6, 2007
part two...
When I would go into the class room, I noticed she had an instance of AIM up on her computer. I noticed this, and one night I decided to send her a message. Our friendship grew and over the
computer, you could talk about anything. Before leaving for spring break, I took her a case of coke and a bag of m&ms. We talked for a while, but she soon kicked me out so she could do her
report cards. She told me to "instant message" her if I got online during our vacation. We were going to Florida for the week. Each day when I came in from the beach or pool, I would take the laptop, login and hope she would be on. I can still remember how excited I would be to see her logged in. I must confess, while I spent time on the beach, or at the pool, my thoughts would often drift to her. In my mind the relationship was an impossibility, but it was just my thoughts - so I let them go. Each afternoon, while everyone was out in the sun, I would hurry in to see if she was there. We talked of everything. A lot of which was cryptic. Kinda flirty. I told her there were things in my past that might shock her. She obviously wanted to know what. I told her I would tell her later. She then made a confession to me. She wasn't really married to the man she was living with. She said people just preceived that she was, but they were just living together. We talked about things, revealing more and more as each day progressed. The day before we were to leave to drive home, she sent me a message with her phone number in it. She told me to call her if I was bored in the car. We talked for hours.
When we returned to town, we continued to talk on the phone each day after school was over. It was only for a short period of time, usually while I was walking the dog. Always when I was running around taking the kids to practice, etc. We would message each other later in the evening when the kids were in bed. She always got off the computer around ten to take her bath. During those conversations we revealed so much to each other. Things I had never told anyone else, I had told her and vice versa. One of my big things that I told her was that I had
had a relationship with a girl. For reasons beyond my control, I wanted her to see inside of me, to know me - I can look back on it now and know that she is my soulmate - but who knew at the time.
The weekend before my birthday, I told her I was going to go to the auction and asked her if she would like to come with me. She said she would. I picked her up, we went to the auction and then to dinner after at a pub. We sat in the car prior to going in for dinner, and we talked more. As we talked, we sort of held hands. I had turned my head away, and she asked why I was crying. Now I don't cry in front of people, and there was just a tear in my eye, which she couldn't see (it was dark, and my left eye). I told her I wasn't crying. She said, "You aren't happy in your relationship are you?" To which I was dumbfounded. No one had ever knew me well enough to even have a hint about that. I had hidden it so well from everyone. Of course we talked for a while and just grew closer. I had revealed more to her than any other living person, but so much of it was just things she "knew".
The weekend of my birthday we had them (she and her "other half") over for a cookout. After it was over, the X said to me, "You have a relationship with her that is more intimate than anything you have ever had with me." I blew it off and said he was crazy. It was nearing the end of the school year, and we had a ton of work to do on the dvd. I liked that because it meant we would have to work together. Her other half was out of town one weekend and I went over to visit. We were going to go to dinner, but she was going through all this stuff at school - so she was constantly on the phone with her friends discussing the trauma and drama. I thought she would never get off the phone.
Let me do a sidebar and tell what was happening at school. TBW worked with four other teachers and she also had an aide. The other teachers were all young and fresh out of school. Through the entire year, they were very mean to her, excluding her, talking behind her back, and anything she suggested, they didn't want to do. It was awful. They were reprimanded by the principal when they were caught talking out loud about her in the staff lounge. They had to have a mediator come in to help the 5 of them work together. Instead of dealing with the problem, the principal (from here on called FA - for fat ass) let it go on. The school basically had "the older teachers" in the upper hall (4-8) and "the younguns" in the lower hall (k-3). They were at odds. Along with those fine examples of christian role models, you have TBW's aide. She was a neighbor of mine, who I had known since my youngest was in first grade. Her story was this... Someone called her at school one day and told her her husband was cheating on her, and it went downhill from there. TBW listened to her, gave her guidance and helped her as much as she could. They separated, and her aide wanted to start dating an old college fling (small world, the man was my tennis coach and the big comfy country club). TBW told her to be discreet about it (she wasn't yet fully divorced). The aide and she had a bond because both of their "others" were black. She also had told her that she wasn't really married to D. It was the only other person at school that knew that (well I did at that point). As the year went on and the antics from the other teachers continued, the aide was getting closer and closer to getting her teaching degree. She would often be absent from the room, and was always "chatting" with the parents about her situation.
So, back to that night. She got off the phone and I was almost asleep on the couch. She came and laid beside me. We held each other and it was so incredible. I finally had to leave. Nothing more happened. It was the most romantic feeling I had ever experienced. It was amazing...
to be continued again...
computer, you could talk about anything. Before leaving for spring break, I took her a case of coke and a bag of m&ms. We talked for a while, but she soon kicked me out so she could do her
report cards. She told me to "instant message" her if I got online during our vacation. We were going to Florida for the week. Each day when I came in from the beach or pool, I would take the laptop, login and hope she would be on. I can still remember how excited I would be to see her logged in. I must confess, while I spent time on the beach, or at the pool, my thoughts would often drift to her. In my mind the relationship was an impossibility, but it was just my thoughts - so I let them go. Each afternoon, while everyone was out in the sun, I would hurry in to see if she was there. We talked of everything. A lot of which was cryptic. Kinda flirty. I told her there were things in my past that might shock her. She obviously wanted to know what. I told her I would tell her later. She then made a confession to me. She wasn't really married to the man she was living with. She said people just preceived that she was, but they were just living together. We talked about things, revealing more and more as each day progressed. The day before we were to leave to drive home, she sent me a message with her phone number in it. She told me to call her if I was bored in the car. We talked for hours.
When we returned to town, we continued to talk on the phone each day after school was over. It was only for a short period of time, usually while I was walking the dog. Always when I was running around taking the kids to practice, etc. We would message each other later in the evening when the kids were in bed. She always got off the computer around ten to take her bath. During those conversations we revealed so much to each other. Things I had never told anyone else, I had told her and vice versa. One of my big things that I told her was that I had
had a relationship with a girl. For reasons beyond my control, I wanted her to see inside of me, to know me - I can look back on it now and know that she is my soulmate - but who knew at the time.
The weekend before my birthday, I told her I was going to go to the auction and asked her if she would like to come with me. She said she would. I picked her up, we went to the auction and then to dinner after at a pub. We sat in the car prior to going in for dinner, and we talked more. As we talked, we sort of held hands. I had turned my head away, and she asked why I was crying. Now I don't cry in front of people, and there was just a tear in my eye, which she couldn't see (it was dark, and my left eye). I told her I wasn't crying. She said, "You aren't happy in your relationship are you?" To which I was dumbfounded. No one had ever knew me well enough to even have a hint about that. I had hidden it so well from everyone. Of course we talked for a while and just grew closer. I had revealed more to her than any other living person, but so much of it was just things she "knew".
The weekend of my birthday we had them (she and her "other half") over for a cookout. After it was over, the X said to me, "You have a relationship with her that is more intimate than anything you have ever had with me." I blew it off and said he was crazy. It was nearing the end of the school year, and we had a ton of work to do on the dvd. I liked that because it meant we would have to work together. Her other half was out of town one weekend and I went over to visit. We were going to go to dinner, but she was going through all this stuff at school - so she was constantly on the phone with her friends discussing the trauma and drama. I thought she would never get off the phone.
Let me do a sidebar and tell what was happening at school. TBW worked with four other teachers and she also had an aide. The other teachers were all young and fresh out of school. Through the entire year, they were very mean to her, excluding her, talking behind her back, and anything she suggested, they didn't want to do. It was awful. They were reprimanded by the principal when they were caught talking out loud about her in the staff lounge. They had to have a mediator come in to help the 5 of them work together. Instead of dealing with the problem, the principal (from here on called FA - for fat ass) let it go on. The school basically had "the older teachers" in the upper hall (4-8) and "the younguns" in the lower hall (k-3). They were at odds. Along with those fine examples of christian role models, you have TBW's aide. She was a neighbor of mine, who I had known since my youngest was in first grade. Her story was this... Someone called her at school one day and told her her husband was cheating on her, and it went downhill from there. TBW listened to her, gave her guidance and helped her as much as she could. They separated, and her aide wanted to start dating an old college fling (small world, the man was my tennis coach and the big comfy country club). TBW told her to be discreet about it (she wasn't yet fully divorced). The aide and she had a bond because both of their "others" were black. She also had told her that she wasn't really married to D. It was the only other person at school that knew that (well I did at that point). As the year went on and the antics from the other teachers continued, the aide was getting closer and closer to getting her teaching degree. She would often be absent from the room, and was always "chatting" with the parents about her situation.
So, back to that night. She got off the phone and I was almost asleep on the couch. She came and laid beside me. We held each other and it was so incredible. I finally had to leave. Nothing more happened. It was the most romantic feeling I had ever experienced. It was amazing...
to be continued again...
Ready for the holidays?
TBW is hurting. Her wrist is all wrapped up, but still hurts her very much. I love taking care of her, but being the independent person she is, she sometimes gets frustrated with it all. It is fun getting her dressed in the morning... Not so much for her. Wool sweaters aren't very giving, turtlenecks would go over her arm, but pulling them on, hurts. (we'll cut the right arm off a couple tonight - since she freezes in her cubby - and she has 5 more weeks, at least, to go). Pants, socks... bra :) - they require two hands. I know it is frustrating. It had to happen to her right hand, which is her dominate hand, and in the winter, when layers of clothes are required. I guess in the summer, the driveway wouldn't be slippery with snow...
Waiting in line last night to get her prescription, we were discussing whether or not we should put her on my insurance. There is a "domestic partner" option listed, but I need to find out what I need to do to "prove" that and what the additional cost would be. Her insurance is free through her employer, but she is responsible for 10%. That seems reasonable, but a simple test, like a bone scan now costs thousands. Which in turn ends up costing her hundreds. Her ER copay was $150. Suddenly it adds up. I'd hate to see the bill if she had to be admitted to the hospital. We won't get on the cost of healthcare and prescriptions in this country - or this blog entry will be endless. I need to decide if I am going to stay where I am working, or try to find something else. Then we will pursue it based on our decision there.
We haven't started our Christmas shopping. Guess we aren't feeling the pressure yet :) This will be the first year TBW's daughter won't be home. She lives in Denver now. It is her first year in the working world. She is hoping to work over the holidays to get the overtime pay. I hope we can fly her home sometime soon though. I keep waiting to get into the spirit of the season... The snow is helping, but I am still not quite all there. Maybe a little eggnog and mistletoe...
Waiting in line last night to get her prescription, we were discussing whether or not we should put her on my insurance. There is a "domestic partner" option listed, but I need to find out what I need to do to "prove" that and what the additional cost would be. Her insurance is free through her employer, but she is responsible for 10%. That seems reasonable, but a simple test, like a bone scan now costs thousands. Which in turn ends up costing her hundreds. Her ER copay was $150. Suddenly it adds up. I'd hate to see the bill if she had to be admitted to the hospital. We won't get on the cost of healthcare and prescriptions in this country - or this blog entry will be endless. I need to decide if I am going to stay where I am working, or try to find something else. Then we will pursue it based on our decision there.
We haven't started our Christmas shopping. Guess we aren't feeling the pressure yet :) This will be the first year TBW's daughter won't be home. She lives in Denver now. It is her first year in the working world. She is hoping to work over the holidays to get the overtime pay. I hope we can fly her home sometime soon though. I keep waiting to get into the spirit of the season... The snow is helping, but I am still not quite all there. Maybe a little eggnog and mistletoe...
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Taking care of business
As did a lot of the country - we got our first "big" snow. When our alarm goes off in the morning, we have a routine. TBW takes Ellie outside to go to the bathroom, and then I take the bigger boys out and then I pack the lunches for us and feed them. Today, TBW came in, snow all over, holding her arm. She had slipped on the driveway and landed on her arm. So, like Laverne and Shirley, we got her dressed. Me helping her put her pants on, combing her hair and putting on her makeup. She normally takes the boys to "daycare" (that would be our friend David, who keeps them during the day) since it is on her way to work. We barely got her coat on (because heaven forbid she be "late" for work) and her arm was hurting and it was starting to swell...
Luckily, she works in the building adjoined to the hospital. She just got back to her desk. Her wrist bone is cracked. Her wrist is in a soft cast and she has to go to the orthopedic in 5 days. They said it would take about 6-8 weeks to heal. She said she is in pain. I bet she is. Knowing her, she will put her full day in and won't miss a beat.
D2 had a basketball scrimmage last night. It is going to be a long season. Oh the teenage years. I was so happy I wasn't coaching them. Every mistake they made, they giggled about it. Everything was funny. As a coach, that would drive me nuts. They are just not an overly athletic bunch of girls. Luckily, the boys from their class, that practice after them, didn't come inside to watch, or I am sure the antics would have been bigger than what they were.
Prior to leaving for the scrimmage, I gave D2 the five minute warning. (She moves at her own pace, and when you end up being late, it is always because of me :)) She spouted something in a "tone" back to me. When it was time to leave, she mumbled that she would be waiting in the car. Two minutes later, she stomped back in and said the doors were locked. (My side was open, she just had to flip the unlock button - but I am sure that would have not added to her drama-fest). TBW said if she were her daughter, she'd be sitting in the car for a while, missing her practice. While I agree that she shouldn't talk to me that way, doing that was a little extreme. Esepecially for me. I am all for developing a back bone, but let's not go to the extremes!
About a 1/2 hour into the scrimmage, the red-faced D2, who was sitting against the wall with other girls who weren't playing at the time, loudly said, "Get my water." No "please"..., no warmth in her voice..., and definately a lot of attitude. I was talking to an old neighbor and friend, and I asked her if she thought I should get it. She said, "I wouldn't if I were you." So I sat there, and D2 just looked incredulous. It was kinda fun.
After the game, she was ready to go. Now, I didn't realize until later, but she probably doesn't want any of the boys to see how she looks after practice, but I was saying good bye to the other parents - she came back in and was ready to go! When we got in the car - she let loose. I let her rant for about a mile and then I had had enough. I lectured for a while and then we drove in silence the rest of the way home. She eventually surfaced around 9:30 for dinner - fixing herself a nice bowl of cereal. Not saying a word to me. At ten, when I was ready to go upstairs, she asked if I would "help her get her bath ready". This was her way of breaking the silence and letting me know she was ready to move on. I got the water going, added the bubbles, and kissed her forehead. I told her to come get me when she was ready for bed and I would tuck her in.
Sometimes, you just have to vent.
Sometimes, you just need a bubble bath.
Fortunately, you always need your Mom.
Sometimes, you get hurt.
Somefimes, you are in pain.
Fortunately, as long as I live, I will always be here to take care of you.
Luckily, she works in the building adjoined to the hospital. She just got back to her desk. Her wrist bone is cracked. Her wrist is in a soft cast and she has to go to the orthopedic in 5 days. They said it would take about 6-8 weeks to heal. She said she is in pain. I bet she is. Knowing her, she will put her full day in and won't miss a beat.
D2 had a basketball scrimmage last night. It is going to be a long season. Oh the teenage years. I was so happy I wasn't coaching them. Every mistake they made, they giggled about it. Everything was funny. As a coach, that would drive me nuts. They are just not an overly athletic bunch of girls. Luckily, the boys from their class, that practice after them, didn't come inside to watch, or I am sure the antics would have been bigger than what they were.
Prior to leaving for the scrimmage, I gave D2 the five minute warning. (She moves at her own pace, and when you end up being late, it is always because of me :)) She spouted something in a "tone" back to me. When it was time to leave, she mumbled that she would be waiting in the car. Two minutes later, she stomped back in and said the doors were locked. (My side was open, she just had to flip the unlock button - but I am sure that would have not added to her drama-fest). TBW said if she were her daughter, she'd be sitting in the car for a while, missing her practice. While I agree that she shouldn't talk to me that way, doing that was a little extreme. Esepecially for me. I am all for developing a back bone, but let's not go to the extremes!
About a 1/2 hour into the scrimmage, the red-faced D2, who was sitting against the wall with other girls who weren't playing at the time, loudly said, "Get my water." No "please"..., no warmth in her voice..., and definately a lot of attitude. I was talking to an old neighbor and friend, and I asked her if she thought I should get it. She said, "I wouldn't if I were you." So I sat there, and D2 just looked incredulous. It was kinda fun.
After the game, she was ready to go. Now, I didn't realize until later, but she probably doesn't want any of the boys to see how she looks after practice, but I was saying good bye to the other parents - she came back in and was ready to go! When we got in the car - she let loose. I let her rant for about a mile and then I had had enough. I lectured for a while and then we drove in silence the rest of the way home. She eventually surfaced around 9:30 for dinner - fixing herself a nice bowl of cereal. Not saying a word to me. At ten, when I was ready to go upstairs, she asked if I would "help her get her bath ready". This was her way of breaking the silence and letting me know she was ready to move on. I got the water going, added the bubbles, and kissed her forehead. I told her to come get me when she was ready for bed and I would tuck her in.
Sometimes, you just have to vent.
Sometimes, you just need a bubble bath.
Fortunately, you always need your Mom.
Sometimes, you get hurt.
Somefimes, you are in pain.
Fortunately, as long as I live, I will always be here to take care of you.
Monday, December 3, 2007
weekend and our story
The weekend was good, but as usual, it went too quickly. The rains came in and lasted all of Sunday. Twelve paws traipsing in the rain and mud make for a messy floor. TBW informed me that the swifter pad goes on with the "lettered" side against the velcro. Whatever... Sometimes it is just better if I don't mop the floor. We are both awaiting the colder weather, to freeze the ground, so the muddy prints go away. We are well on the way - there was a small dusting of snow this morning.
We put up our tree this weekend. It is the first year in I can't remember when, that I haven't had a real tree. We figured since we have three dogs playing on every stretch of bare carpet, that this might be a little less of a mess and we can put the tree money towards present purchases. It looks nice. We will put the ornaments on next weekend when the girls are all home. D2 is ready to put them on now though.
I have previously mentioned that I have journaled since the early eighties. The two years that I didn't was when I went through my divorce and met TBW. Now those two years could be a book in itself and when it is all told, you'll realize why there was no time. It was all so unreal, so fantastic, so heartbreaking, so scary, so - you name it - that I thought I could never forget the details. Yet thinking back on it - I am sure I have. So I want to chronicle that part of our lives too.
Like so many of our stories, I am sure you can read it and be amazed that we made it through - together. And then again, you may wonder how we didn't end up on the J*err*y S*pri*ng*er show...
Part One
I was married in 1985. I won't detail that much, but let's just say this... The boudoir activities were not what I expected, not my cup of tea so to speak. We did have three wonderful girls in 1991, 1994 and the last in 1998. My life revolved around them and their schedules. I never let on to anyone what I really felt. I would listen to my friends talk about their relationships with their husbands - I just wasn't there. We were friends, we weren't lovers. As you can imagine, this often caused a riff between us.
I often dreamed about this person who completed me in so many ways... and it was a woman. She never had a face. I just loved to dream about her. I had always done what was expected of me and lived the life that my parents wanted me to, what I was expected to do.
When D3 was in first grade, I went to curriculum night at school. At this point in my life, I had left my job of 17 years to stay home with the kids. I played tennis four times a week, and took them where they needed to be. I guess some said I had it made. By this time in my life, I was over the games and the politics involved at the bubble school. I had gone through it with D1 and decided with D2 I would play along, as needed, but by the time D3 came around - I was done playing. So, I walked into that curriculum night, in my khaki shorts, sweatshirt, tennis shoes and a baseball cap. I was out of place with the Mom's in their heels, desinger apparel, coiffed hair and bling bling bling. The woman talking in front of the room was striking. She spoke with confidence and you could tell the status didn't affect her one bit.
I was able to watch her talk and was happy she was who D3 got for a teacher. I had heard she was strict, but that her teaching ability was amazing. She was known for having her class excel in their studies and more importantly she taught them to respect adults as well as one another, and to work hard for what they wanted.
In the bubble school, in order to do anything with the kids, you have to be finger printed and take a course on molestation. This was a new policy, and many of the parents hadn't done so yet. I had to get it done the year before because I was coaching D1 and D2. It was time to go on the first field trip to the apple orchard. In order for you to sign up to chaperone, you had to have those two things done. I thought I might have a chance. There are always 20 volunteers for each 2 spots available. D3 told me that they were picking out of a hat to see who could go. She was so excited when she came home and told me I was picked.
I love taking pictures, I always have. So I loaded up my camera and we were off to the orchard. The other Mom chosen to go was nice, and low key like I was. I should have suspected something then, but I didn't. We went through the orchard and I took lots of pictures. The teacher told me she didn't like her picture taken. Being the rebel I was :) I took a few of her anyways. When we sat down for lunch, the kids sat in a circle and I sat with the other Mom. The teacher joined us, and we chatted. I can still remember what she had to eat. (A lunchable nachos and cheese, cheez' its and a coke). It was fun talking to her.
After we got back to the school, she asked me to email her the pictures so she could put them in her monthly newsletter. I told her if she was interested, we could put together a dvd at the end of the year summarizing all that the kids did in her class through pictures. Weeks went by and it was time for our parent-teacher conference. At the time, they scheduled them for the whole school during a five hour window. Each conference was to last 10 minutes. I had three kids to get through. I waited outside her door and I could see through the window that the Dad in there was getting animated - so I didn't want to interrupt. My time was soon up, so I just moved on to the next conference. I sent her an email telling her that I was there, but decided whatever she was discussing with them was more important than my conference - since I didn't have anything really to discuss with her about D3. I then said if she wanted to talk about D3, maybe we could do it over margaritas. Re-reading this, it sounds like I was flirting an awful lot - I wasn't really - honest. Although subconciously maybe I was...
Time just went on. I came in frequently to take pictures of the various activities. It was so much fun being with D3 during the day, getting to know the kids and getting to know her. When I look back on it now, I also liked watching her teach. I hope this doesn't read like I am a perv. We just slowly developed a friendship. One night after school, they had an open house for the parents of perspective students of both kindergarten and first grade (they had a lull in enrollment for these levels - more on that story later). I had my asistant coach run practice, I dressed up (you know I had to get back into bubble mode) and went to the meeting. As we were sitting there, she looked so hot, but I noticed the huge bling on her finger. I hadn't noticed that before. I commented on it and she told me she didn't wear it during the day because she was always into stuff and she didn't want to loose or damage it. We talked for a while that evening after the program was over.
to be continued...
We put up our tree this weekend. It is the first year in I can't remember when, that I haven't had a real tree. We figured since we have three dogs playing on every stretch of bare carpet, that this might be a little less of a mess and we can put the tree money towards present purchases. It looks nice. We will put the ornaments on next weekend when the girls are all home. D2 is ready to put them on now though.
I have previously mentioned that I have journaled since the early eighties. The two years that I didn't was when I went through my divorce and met TBW. Now those two years could be a book in itself and when it is all told, you'll realize why there was no time. It was all so unreal, so fantastic, so heartbreaking, so scary, so - you name it - that I thought I could never forget the details. Yet thinking back on it - I am sure I have. So I want to chronicle that part of our lives too.
Like so many of our stories, I am sure you can read it and be amazed that we made it through - together. And then again, you may wonder how we didn't end up on the J*err*y S*pri*ng*er show...
Part One
I was married in 1985. I won't detail that much, but let's just say this... The boudoir activities were not what I expected, not my cup of tea so to speak. We did have three wonderful girls in 1991, 1994 and the last in 1998. My life revolved around them and their schedules. I never let on to anyone what I really felt. I would listen to my friends talk about their relationships with their husbands - I just wasn't there. We were friends, we weren't lovers. As you can imagine, this often caused a riff between us.
I often dreamed about this person who completed me in so many ways... and it was a woman. She never had a face. I just loved to dream about her. I had always done what was expected of me and lived the life that my parents wanted me to, what I was expected to do.
When D3 was in first grade, I went to curriculum night at school. At this point in my life, I had left my job of 17 years to stay home with the kids. I played tennis four times a week, and took them where they needed to be. I guess some said I had it made. By this time in my life, I was over the games and the politics involved at the bubble school. I had gone through it with D1 and decided with D2 I would play along, as needed, but by the time D3 came around - I was done playing. So, I walked into that curriculum night, in my khaki shorts, sweatshirt, tennis shoes and a baseball cap. I was out of place with the Mom's in their heels, desinger apparel, coiffed hair and bling bling bling. The woman talking in front of the room was striking. She spoke with confidence and you could tell the status didn't affect her one bit.
I was able to watch her talk and was happy she was who D3 got for a teacher. I had heard she was strict, but that her teaching ability was amazing. She was known for having her class excel in their studies and more importantly she taught them to respect adults as well as one another, and to work hard for what they wanted.
In the bubble school, in order to do anything with the kids, you have to be finger printed and take a course on molestation. This was a new policy, and many of the parents hadn't done so yet. I had to get it done the year before because I was coaching D1 and D2. It was time to go on the first field trip to the apple orchard. In order for you to sign up to chaperone, you had to have those two things done. I thought I might have a chance. There are always 20 volunteers for each 2 spots available. D3 told me that they were picking out of a hat to see who could go. She was so excited when she came home and told me I was picked.
I love taking pictures, I always have. So I loaded up my camera and we were off to the orchard. The other Mom chosen to go was nice, and low key like I was. I should have suspected something then, but I didn't. We went through the orchard and I took lots of pictures. The teacher told me she didn't like her picture taken. Being the rebel I was :) I took a few of her anyways. When we sat down for lunch, the kids sat in a circle and I sat with the other Mom. The teacher joined us, and we chatted. I can still remember what she had to eat. (A lunchable nachos and cheese, cheez' its and a coke). It was fun talking to her.
After we got back to the school, she asked me to email her the pictures so she could put them in her monthly newsletter. I told her if she was interested, we could put together a dvd at the end of the year summarizing all that the kids did in her class through pictures. Weeks went by and it was time for our parent-teacher conference. At the time, they scheduled them for the whole school during a five hour window. Each conference was to last 10 minutes. I had three kids to get through. I waited outside her door and I could see through the window that the Dad in there was getting animated - so I didn't want to interrupt. My time was soon up, so I just moved on to the next conference. I sent her an email telling her that I was there, but decided whatever she was discussing with them was more important than my conference - since I didn't have anything really to discuss with her about D3. I then said if she wanted to talk about D3, maybe we could do it over margaritas. Re-reading this, it sounds like I was flirting an awful lot - I wasn't really - honest. Although subconciously maybe I was...
Time just went on. I came in frequently to take pictures of the various activities. It was so much fun being with D3 during the day, getting to know the kids and getting to know her. When I look back on it now, I also liked watching her teach. I hope this doesn't read like I am a perv. We just slowly developed a friendship. One night after school, they had an open house for the parents of perspective students of both kindergarten and first grade (they had a lull in enrollment for these levels - more on that story later). I had my asistant coach run practice, I dressed up (you know I had to get back into bubble mode) and went to the meeting. As we were sitting there, she looked so hot, but I noticed the huge bling on her finger. I hadn't noticed that before. I commented on it and she told me she didn't wear it during the day because she was always into stuff and she didn't want to loose or damage it. We talked for a while that evening after the program was over.
to be continued...
Friday, November 30, 2007
lunch time reading
While eating my nutritious salad at my desk today, I read an article about our former chief justice and her husband. He is currently suffering from Alzheimer's and receives full time care in a nursing home. They said in the article that he has a new girlfriend, who also resides in the home. He doesn't remember his wife of 50+ years and seems very content now that he has found this new woman. She continues to visit him and accepts it as part of his disease. She said it was the "highest form of love."
This got me thinking about a couple of things. First of all, what would I do and how would I react, if TBW hooked up with someone because she couldn't remember me? Would I react the same way? Would I be jealous? It is such a debilitating disease and one that is horrible to live through as a patient and as a loved one.
TBW's Mother, died last year from the disease. She was in her 90's. She spent the last 15+ years declining bit by bit, to the point she couldn't remember TBW or anything about her pre-nursing home life. TBW would often get calls from the nurse who cared for her Mom. The calls came a couple times a month, but she also received letters in the mail detailing each bruise or her constant food consistancy change because she didn't know how to chew and swallow her food anymore. Constant reminders to TBW that she couldn't do anything to help her, but that she was still hanging on, not knowing who she was, where she was or how she got there.
I saw the toll it took on TBW. When she died, we traveled to Wisconsin where TBW grew up to take care of things, and to say goodbye. We saw the facility, or room, in which she spent her last years. Her nurse was a caring and loving person. I don't know how she has the grace and caring to do that job on that locked down floor for so long, but she did, and still does. I never got to see her Mom in person, but above her bed, was a framed photo of her Dad. The eyes and the mouth were familiar to the face that I love so much. TBW looks so much like her father. We have that picture in our living room now. The trip bittersweet. I was saddened for the reason for going there, but was happy to see all of the places and things TBW experienced in her childhood.
We saw the house where she grew up, went to mass at the church they went to as a family, saw the places she rode her bike, liked to eat, etc. Even met a childhood friend. Funny side bar - or so I think anyways. After mass, the nun who did the sermon (I guess they are consolidating churches there and they are short on priests) came to the back of the church. I was taking pictures, and she introduced heself to TBW. She asked her if I was her daughter? sister? To which TBW said, "This is my partner." My eyes got bigger than saucers and I shook her hand. This is small town suburbia in a "C" church... We laughed when we got in the car. Even though we were there to bury her Mom, we did enjoy seeing the sites and I loved seeing all of the places from her childhood. Details ofthe trip will be a later entry.
Then, thinking about the above article, I was thinking about my journaling, and wondering if re-reading it all and looking at pictures would help. This in turn led me to thinking about the movie, The Notebook. That was such a good movie. To be able to have a soulmate like that. To lie together in bed and die in each other's arms. How beautiful would that be?
We plan to put up our tree this weekend and have a fire or two. I hope we can have time to watch that movie together in between our other activities. I guess in the end, if we don't know each other because of the affects of disease, I know that our souls will always be connected - so it's all good.
This got me thinking about a couple of things. First of all, what would I do and how would I react, if TBW hooked up with someone because she couldn't remember me? Would I react the same way? Would I be jealous? It is such a debilitating disease and one that is horrible to live through as a patient and as a loved one.
TBW's Mother, died last year from the disease. She was in her 90's. She spent the last 15+ years declining bit by bit, to the point she couldn't remember TBW or anything about her pre-nursing home life. TBW would often get calls from the nurse who cared for her Mom. The calls came a couple times a month, but she also received letters in the mail detailing each bruise or her constant food consistancy change because she didn't know how to chew and swallow her food anymore. Constant reminders to TBW that she couldn't do anything to help her, but that she was still hanging on, not knowing who she was, where she was or how she got there.
I saw the toll it took on TBW. When she died, we traveled to Wisconsin where TBW grew up to take care of things, and to say goodbye. We saw the facility, or room, in which she spent her last years. Her nurse was a caring and loving person. I don't know how she has the grace and caring to do that job on that locked down floor for so long, but she did, and still does. I never got to see her Mom in person, but above her bed, was a framed photo of her Dad. The eyes and the mouth were familiar to the face that I love so much. TBW looks so much like her father. We have that picture in our living room now. The trip bittersweet. I was saddened for the reason for going there, but was happy to see all of the places and things TBW experienced in her childhood.
We saw the house where she grew up, went to mass at the church they went to as a family, saw the places she rode her bike, liked to eat, etc. Even met a childhood friend. Funny side bar - or so I think anyways. After mass, the nun who did the sermon (I guess they are consolidating churches there and they are short on priests) came to the back of the church. I was taking pictures, and she introduced heself to TBW. She asked her if I was her daughter? sister? To which TBW said, "This is my partner." My eyes got bigger than saucers and I shook her hand. This is small town suburbia in a "C" church... We laughed when we got in the car. Even though we were there to bury her Mom, we did enjoy seeing the sites and I loved seeing all of the places from her childhood. Details ofthe trip will be a later entry.
Then, thinking about the above article, I was thinking about my journaling, and wondering if re-reading it all and looking at pictures would help. This in turn led me to thinking about the movie, The Notebook. That was such a good movie. To be able to have a soulmate like that. To lie together in bed and die in each other's arms. How beautiful would that be?
We plan to put up our tree this weekend and have a fire or two. I hope we can have time to watch that movie together in between our other activities. I guess in the end, if we don't know each other because of the affects of disease, I know that our souls will always be connected - so it's all good.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
journal time
I have journaled my life for many years. I began after my Dad died in 1983 and I was in college. My first journal was a book covered in red corduroy. The words were actually written out by me over a period of time. Near the end of my second book, I received a laptop for Christmas (1994) and I started journaling on it, keeping entries by the year. At the beginning of each new year, I would print out the previous year's entries. Now, I have moved on to this blog.
I realized recently, that I don't know where those two hand-written journals are, and that I quit printing out my "online" journals years ago. I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about blogging and he says he uses this software called blurb to print wedding albums for couples he shoots pictures for, and that they also can print your blog in a bound book, complete with pictures for a fairly reasonable price. So, that got me to thinking... I need to consolidate my journals by year, have them printed and then - wha la - there they are. But like the scrapbooks that I have gotten behind on, and the photos I want to scan, so theyare "backed up" and even the digital pictures that are in various folders (the new ones not even backed up) - I need to organize.
The problem with online versions of things, even though they are reliable, is that as you change computers, you need to make sure all your "stuff" upgrades as you do. We have three computers in the house and we need to take the time to backup things we don't want to loose. Being in the technology field, I know this is crucial, but like so many things in my life - I get behind and figure I'll work on it "tomorrow". Something to think about...
We had a great evening last night. It was nice and quiet. I love spending time at home, with family. I love it even more when I see TBW's eyes sparkle this amazing color of blue (as they did last night). It is one of the most beautiful things about her - because when they are that way, I know the amount of love and happiness she has for me and with me. Through those blue eyes, I can see into her soul and find my place. It is through those eyes that I realize what a gift we have been given and how lucky we are.
I realized recently, that I don't know where those two hand-written journals are, and that I quit printing out my "online" journals years ago. I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about blogging and he says he uses this software called blurb to print wedding albums for couples he shoots pictures for, and that they also can print your blog in a bound book, complete with pictures for a fairly reasonable price. So, that got me to thinking... I need to consolidate my journals by year, have them printed and then - wha la - there they are. But like the scrapbooks that I have gotten behind on, and the photos I want to scan, so theyare "backed up" and even the digital pictures that are in various folders (the new ones not even backed up) - I need to organize.
The problem with online versions of things, even though they are reliable, is that as you change computers, you need to make sure all your "stuff" upgrades as you do. We have three computers in the house and we need to take the time to backup things we don't want to loose. Being in the technology field, I know this is crucial, but like so many things in my life - I get behind and figure I'll work on it "tomorrow". Something to think about...
We had a great evening last night. It was nice and quiet. I love spending time at home, with family. I love it even more when I see TBW's eyes sparkle this amazing color of blue (as they did last night). It is one of the most beautiful things about her - because when they are that way, I know the amount of love and happiness she has for me and with me. Through those blue eyes, I can see into her soul and find my place. It is through those eyes that I realize what a gift we have been given and how lucky we are.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Double Take
Sometimes I look at my kids and have to do a double take. I always tend to think of them as being little. I don't know if it is me wanting them to stay little or that I just get so caught up in day-to-day life that I don't see them change.
I went to pick upD2 from basketball practice last night and I was peeking in through the door. These are girls who I coached from 4th grade through 6th grade. They were little, giggly, and awkward in their ability to play. As I peered through the window of the door, I couldn't find D2. Then I did my first double take. She was playing left post and was in the middle of all of these girls who are now taller than I am. Part of it was that she had straightened her hair, the other was I was looking for this gangly girl with the puffy ponytail.
When we got home, she was standing across the room and I did it again. I looked at her and realized that she is almost grown (body-wise) and she isn't a little girl any more. She has always had compassion beyond her years, a warm personality and an ability to strike up a conversation with anyone she sees - but then I saw her as she would be as a young woman. She passed me in height about a year ago, but I hadn't really noticed her child-like features starting to fade. I just looked at her for a few minutes, and realized that she is becoming a beautiful young woman who amazes me in so many ways and makes me so proud to be a Mom.
At dinner last night, she said she gave her boyfriend's Mom my phone number. Apparently, he wants to take her to dinner and a movie this Saturday. They will be accompanied by his parents. She started laughing and said, "It is kinda weird because he wants to go to the movie around 2, and that would mean we would eat dinner around 4. Who eats that early? And dinner - with his parents. Isn't that kind of weird?" Sometimes she is still 13! TBW and I told her that was nice that his parents would do that (and we knew that was the only way she was going) and that she should just enjoy herself.
At the end of dinner, TBW suggested that D2 stay home today to get plenty of rest, to nurse that cold and to take care of herself. I drew her a hot bath, told her to relax and to then get warm jammies on. She said she wanted to sit with TBW and I to watch tv when she was finished. I tucked her in bed, rubbed her back and she was asleep before I left the room. Sometimes, just having someone close take care of you when you don't feel well makes your feel full of love. Sometimes, being the person that can give that love makes you feel the same way...
I went to pick upD2 from basketball practice last night and I was peeking in through the door. These are girls who I coached from 4th grade through 6th grade. They were little, giggly, and awkward in their ability to play. As I peered through the window of the door, I couldn't find D2. Then I did my first double take. She was playing left post and was in the middle of all of these girls who are now taller than I am. Part of it was that she had straightened her hair, the other was I was looking for this gangly girl with the puffy ponytail.
When we got home, she was standing across the room and I did it again. I looked at her and realized that she is almost grown (body-wise) and she isn't a little girl any more. She has always had compassion beyond her years, a warm personality and an ability to strike up a conversation with anyone she sees - but then I saw her as she would be as a young woman. She passed me in height about a year ago, but I hadn't really noticed her child-like features starting to fade. I just looked at her for a few minutes, and realized that she is becoming a beautiful young woman who amazes me in so many ways and makes me so proud to be a Mom.
At dinner last night, she said she gave her boyfriend's Mom my phone number. Apparently, he wants to take her to dinner and a movie this Saturday. They will be accompanied by his parents. She started laughing and said, "It is kinda weird because he wants to go to the movie around 2, and that would mean we would eat dinner around 4. Who eats that early? And dinner - with his parents. Isn't that kind of weird?" Sometimes she is still 13! TBW and I told her that was nice that his parents would do that (and we knew that was the only way she was going) and that she should just enjoy herself.
At the end of dinner, TBW suggested that D2 stay home today to get plenty of rest, to nurse that cold and to take care of herself. I drew her a hot bath, told her to relax and to then get warm jammies on. She said she wanted to sit with TBW and I to watch tv when she was finished. I tucked her in bed, rubbed her back and she was asleep before I left the room. Sometimes, just having someone close take care of you when you don't feel well makes your feel full of love. Sometimes, being the person that can give that love makes you feel the same way...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Easy come, easy go...
Thanksgiving has come and gone - so has the break from work. What a dread to go back. I wonder if a job exists where you are excited to go back? Wish we had more of the European mentality about work around here...
TBW made a wonderful dinner for the big day. All of our kids, minus the one in Denver were in attendance. The weather is turning colder and more gray. D1 drove the other two over to our house from the previous stop. We slept in on Friday and TBW, D3 and I went puppy shopping.
I think weare nuts... a bit cookcoo... But we had been talking about getting a small dog - so once again - we set off to "look". The pet stores want a HUGE amount for their dogs. I think the smaller the dog, the bigger the price. So we went to the pound. Pictured above what we came home with... Her name is Elanor (I call her Ellie).
Friday night the girls and I saw "Enchanted" - it was very cute. I liked it more thanI thought I would. D3 wanted to go see her puppy, so I took D1 and D2 to dinner at our mexican place. TBW was bonding with all the dogs... Did I mention how wonderful she is???
Saturday, D1 and D2 left early in the morning. We all met up at the state semi-final football game for D1's school. It was very cold outside. We took lots of blankets. They lost - but played very well. All the D's went home with Dad.
Sunday was full of errands and raking, cooking and laundry... and football watching in between and during. TBW says I pout when the girls leave. I guess I do. I love having them there, and I love spending time alone with TBW. I also dread going back to work... It all just makes me grumpy... I need to get a grip and be thankful for it all! Without being pissy.
This morning, D2 calls me at 8:15 (her bus comes at 7:55) and says she missed the bus. I am already at work, and I am thinking - it takes 5 minutes (10 at most) to walk to school...BUT she is still in the driveway...
First of all admitting: "I missed the bus."
Then the confession: "He told me he would be earlier today."
Then the excuse: "Must have been WAY early."
Then the solution: "Get walking, I'll call school and tell them."
The rebuttal: "But can't I call the neighbor?"
The push over(that is me): "Okay, but hurry. Go knock on her door"
The teenager: "She isn't there (I am sure the knock was very light)."
The arranger(that is me): calls the neighbor, no answer, leave message... "Start walking"
The neighbor: calls when she hears the message, will gladly take her to school.
The teen: walks back, calls again... "no one is out."
The mother: "Try knocking on the door"
The people sitting around me: laughing out loud...
TBW made a wonderful dinner for the big day. All of our kids, minus the one in Denver were in attendance. The weather is turning colder and more gray. D1 drove the other two over to our house from the previous stop. We slept in on Friday and TBW, D3 and I went puppy shopping.
I think weare nuts... a bit cookcoo... But we had been talking about getting a small dog - so once again - we set off to "look". The pet stores want a HUGE amount for their dogs. I think the smaller the dog, the bigger the price. So we went to the pound. Pictured above what we came home with... Her name is Elanor (I call her Ellie).
Friday night the girls and I saw "Enchanted" - it was very cute. I liked it more thanI thought I would. D3 wanted to go see her puppy, so I took D1 and D2 to dinner at our mexican place. TBW was bonding with all the dogs... Did I mention how wonderful she is???
Saturday, D1 and D2 left early in the morning. We all met up at the state semi-final football game for D1's school. It was very cold outside. We took lots of blankets. They lost - but played very well. All the D's went home with Dad.
Sunday was full of errands and raking, cooking and laundry... and football watching in between and during. TBW says I pout when the girls leave. I guess I do. I love having them there, and I love spending time alone with TBW. I also dread going back to work... It all just makes me grumpy... I need to get a grip and be thankful for it all! Without being pissy.
This morning, D2 calls me at 8:15 (her bus comes at 7:55) and says she missed the bus. I am already at work, and I am thinking - it takes 5 minutes (10 at most) to walk to school...BUT she is still in the driveway...
First of all admitting: "I missed the bus."
Then the confession: "He told me he would be earlier today."
Then the excuse: "Must have been WAY early."
Then the solution: "Get walking, I'll call school and tell them."
The rebuttal: "But can't I call the neighbor?"
The push over(that is me): "Okay, but hurry. Go knock on her door"
The teenager: "She isn't there (I am sure the knock was very light)."
The arranger(that is me): calls the neighbor, no answer, leave message... "Start walking"
The neighbor: calls when she hears the message, will gladly take her to school.
The teen: walks back, calls again... "no one is out."
The mother: "Try knocking on the door"
The people sitting around me: laughing out loud...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Our South Carolina trip
We are home from South Carolina. It was a good trip. We got a lot of things done for my Mom and had a great time visiting her and my sister's family. We arrived on Thursday night around six. We got the rental car and some dinner and headed out on the road. We flew skybus to Greensboro and then had a three hour drive. For $30 each way - it was worth it.
My Mom has three bedrooms, so D2 got one room, I got the other and TBW wanted the couch. (well she didn't want it - but my Mom didn't want us sleeping together). First of all, we hate sleeping apart, but there were only twin beds in the two rooms. My Mom has come a long way in accepting TBW and I, so we decided not to push it. We agreed to sneak together and set the alarm so she could go back to her couch. My Mom is tethered to her oxygen, so you can hear her move around because the cords make noise on the kitchen floor. Well, we don't know if she was getting up to check for a "lump" on the couch - or if she was just moving in her bed - but she was constantly moving that flippin' cord. Which made TBW stay put.
Friday late in the morning, my sister, TBW, J (my sister's friend who traveled with us) and myself went to lunch. TBW and I went to run errands for my mom and they went to do their own thing. When we got back home, TBW and I painted the front door (maroon on the front, chocolate on the back) and the railing outside her front steps. D2 went four-wheeling with her cousin and J. Before they left, TBW and I took it for a spin. There are so many back roads and trails around there - it was so much fun. We almost tipped it one time, but made it through. D2 did tip it with J and her cousin on it. Of course they tipped into a thorn bush, so she had some scrapes to show for it. They came back and acted like it was nothing - not until the next day, did she tell me what really happened! They went back out on some flat land after that. We finished up and went to my sister's for dinner.
My Mom's neighbor's came to dinner too. They are a young couple that help take care of her. They get her mail every day and check on her to make sure she is doing okay. They are a God send. They were on their way to Wisconsin to meet her birth mom for the first time. She found her on the internet and hey were excited to meet each other.
Saturday we were up early (after sleeping in our nice arangements) to drive an hour and a half away to see nephew 2 (N2) play in an all-star football game. He is in the 11-12 year old league and they were one game away from the district final. The other team was BIG! Three of their front linemen were taller than the refs. Needless to say, they didn't win, but it was fun to watch him play. TBW made a comment that the fans would never be allowed to cheer in the bubble. They would have all been kicked out within minutes. Like she said - this was a lot of the kid's tickets out of where they are growing up. They take their sports very seriously.
We went into town to find a bar that had the buckeye game on tv. We found an irish pub that had just opened. We all sat at the bar with a guy named "Coach" and had a great lunch and good drinks. The bucks pulled it out and we were all happy (well except TBW - she likes anyone but the buckeyes). We then headed back to our town to change and get ready for the evening.
Saturday night was adult night out. We went to a dueling piano bar. Basically there are two pianos on a stage, they play against each other and the crowd goes wild and sings along. TBW was the designated driver. There were six of us (TBW, J, my sister and her husband, and the coach and his wife). We drank and drank. We attempted to go dancing for a short while - but the shots and drinks caught up to us old folks and we were ready for some substinance... The Waffle House. We laughed and felt like teenagers when we got home - my Mom was waiting up for us in the chair... I did sneak out and make TBW come back to bed with me until 7:00.
Sunday, we spent shopping and eating, doing some more chores and eating dinner at my sister's house again. We were all tired around 8. They are trying to save money, and one of the things that has to wait until surplus funds are available is the grooming of their poodle. He looks cute all scruffy - but tends to get stinky with all of that long hair. J decided she would fix that. She took the scissors and the dog and trimmed his face. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. The dog came running into the room where we were and jumped on my sister's lap. He looked like the lion on the wizard of oz. We were all dying laughing and my sister was none to pleased. J took him back and evened it all out. We never did see the final product, as we left when she was still trimming.
Monday was spent washing all of the sheets, dusting, cleaning, vacuuming, etc. D2 and J went to the beach to walk. TBW and I went to the doctor to get a perscritpion for my Mom. Of course she didn't qualify for the free sample and the medicine cost $96 for one month's supply. Since that is about the 20th medicine she is on, we paid for it. The amount of paperwork and qualifications for an elderly person to receive perscription benefits in this country are astounding. You either have to be so poor the government just takes over or so rich you have money to burn. It is really a disgrace. You work your whole life, save a little money to live off the interest of that savings and they want to take the savings part away from you. I give her credit - she knows the what, where and when of all the meds - how to get them, when to get them, and isn't afraid to ask for samples. We were to leave at 1:00. Prior to us leaving, she gave me my Dad's wedding ring, which is a silver band, to wear. I have it on my middle finger of my right hand. She gave D2 many gold necklaces, which she really seems to enjoy. As we got in the car, she stood on the porch (it looked rather spiffy after it was painted) and waved good bye with tears in her eyes. It was a sad moment. She knows she is never going to get better - and she is giving her things away. They often say you aren't scared of death once it is your turn.
She called me as we were on the road and said that the 19th (that Monday) was her wedding anniversary. She said it was amazing that the day she gave me my Dad's ring was the day she had given itto him. Moments like that can't be planned. For as much as she gets on my nerves sometimes - I hope when I get to be her age - I can handle things like she does. With my own twist of course :)
My Mom has three bedrooms, so D2 got one room, I got the other and TBW wanted the couch. (well she didn't want it - but my Mom didn't want us sleeping together). First of all, we hate sleeping apart, but there were only twin beds in the two rooms. My Mom has come a long way in accepting TBW and I, so we decided not to push it. We agreed to sneak together and set the alarm so she could go back to her couch. My Mom is tethered to her oxygen, so you can hear her move around because the cords make noise on the kitchen floor. Well, we don't know if she was getting up to check for a "lump" on the couch - or if she was just moving in her bed - but she was constantly moving that flippin' cord. Which made TBW stay put.
Friday late in the morning, my sister, TBW, J (my sister's friend who traveled with us) and myself went to lunch. TBW and I went to run errands for my mom and they went to do their own thing. When we got back home, TBW and I painted the front door (maroon on the front, chocolate on the back) and the railing outside her front steps. D2 went four-wheeling with her cousin and J. Before they left, TBW and I took it for a spin. There are so many back roads and trails around there - it was so much fun. We almost tipped it one time, but made it through. D2 did tip it with J and her cousin on it. Of course they tipped into a thorn bush, so she had some scrapes to show for it. They came back and acted like it was nothing - not until the next day, did she tell me what really happened! They went back out on some flat land after that. We finished up and went to my sister's for dinner.
My Mom's neighbor's came to dinner too. They are a young couple that help take care of her. They get her mail every day and check on her to make sure she is doing okay. They are a God send. They were on their way to Wisconsin to meet her birth mom for the first time. She found her on the internet and hey were excited to meet each other.
Saturday we were up early (after sleeping in our nice arangements) to drive an hour and a half away to see nephew 2 (N2) play in an all-star football game. He is in the 11-12 year old league and they were one game away from the district final. The other team was BIG! Three of their front linemen were taller than the refs. Needless to say, they didn't win, but it was fun to watch him play. TBW made a comment that the fans would never be allowed to cheer in the bubble. They would have all been kicked out within minutes. Like she said - this was a lot of the kid's tickets out of where they are growing up. They take their sports very seriously.
We went into town to find a bar that had the buckeye game on tv. We found an irish pub that had just opened. We all sat at the bar with a guy named "Coach" and had a great lunch and good drinks. The bucks pulled it out and we were all happy (well except TBW - she likes anyone but the buckeyes). We then headed back to our town to change and get ready for the evening.
Saturday night was adult night out. We went to a dueling piano bar. Basically there are two pianos on a stage, they play against each other and the crowd goes wild and sings along. TBW was the designated driver. There were six of us (TBW, J, my sister and her husband, and the coach and his wife). We drank and drank. We attempted to go dancing for a short while - but the shots and drinks caught up to us old folks and we were ready for some substinance... The Waffle House. We laughed and felt like teenagers when we got home - my Mom was waiting up for us in the chair... I did sneak out and make TBW come back to bed with me until 7:00.
Sunday, we spent shopping and eating, doing some more chores and eating dinner at my sister's house again. We were all tired around 8. They are trying to save money, and one of the things that has to wait until surplus funds are available is the grooming of their poodle. He looks cute all scruffy - but tends to get stinky with all of that long hair. J decided she would fix that. She took the scissors and the dog and trimmed his face. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. The dog came running into the room where we were and jumped on my sister's lap. He looked like the lion on the wizard of oz. We were all dying laughing and my sister was none to pleased. J took him back and evened it all out. We never did see the final product, as we left when she was still trimming.
Monday was spent washing all of the sheets, dusting, cleaning, vacuuming, etc. D2 and J went to the beach to walk. TBW and I went to the doctor to get a perscritpion for my Mom. Of course she didn't qualify for the free sample and the medicine cost $96 for one month's supply. Since that is about the 20th medicine she is on, we paid for it. The amount of paperwork and qualifications for an elderly person to receive perscription benefits in this country are astounding. You either have to be so poor the government just takes over or so rich you have money to burn. It is really a disgrace. You work your whole life, save a little money to live off the interest of that savings and they want to take the savings part away from you. I give her credit - she knows the what, where and when of all the meds - how to get them, when to get them, and isn't afraid to ask for samples. We were to leave at 1:00. Prior to us leaving, she gave me my Dad's wedding ring, which is a silver band, to wear. I have it on my middle finger of my right hand. She gave D2 many gold necklaces, which she really seems to enjoy. As we got in the car, she stood on the porch (it looked rather spiffy after it was painted) and waved good bye with tears in her eyes. It was a sad moment. She knows she is never going to get better - and she is giving her things away. They often say you aren't scared of death once it is your turn.
She called me as we were on the road and said that the 19th (that Monday) was her wedding anniversary. She said it was amazing that the day she gave me my Dad's ring was the day she had given itto him. Moments like that can't be planned. For as much as she gets on my nerves sometimes - I hope when I get to be her age - I can handle things like she does. With my own twist of course :)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Happy Birthday to you...
When we are young, we look forward to our birthday. It is a day we become older, and in most cases closer to some milestone we have set our mind on. A day where every one around us makes us feel special. You get to pass out the papers, be the line leader, sit in the front seat, pick what is for dinner. A day where your parents or those who love you make you feel special. Well, then of course there are the presents. A new bike, new clothes, a video game. If you are lucky, maybe a party with gifts.
As we get older, the day seems to loose its luster. Somewhere along the way it becomes, just another day. Why is that? I tried remembering my earliest birthday. That would be when I was 13 - we won't say what year that was. I remember I had a slumber party and my friends all got to come to the mall with me while I got my ears pierced. I remember my sister wanted to tag along with us and I hated that she wanted to. She is six years younger than me and since I was a "teen", I obviosly didn't need some little girl slowing us down, nosing into our business!
Today is TBW's birthday. We are going to visit my Mom and sister this weekend in South Carolina, so she insisted that the trip be her present. D2 and I went out and got her a couple of things last night along with some cards. As I sit and write this, I can remember how we celebrated her birthday the first year we were together. She was so sick, and we took a weekend trip to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains. She was just diagnosed with Celiac's disease (where your body can't process wheat and gluten). She weighed about 92 pounds. We had the most beautiful weekend together. I loved taking care of her and being with her in our cabin in the mountains. It was definately a special birthday weekend.
I wish I could make every birthday that special for her and for my girls. But sometimes, we are too busy, life doesn't allow you to do things you want to do. It is amazing how you look back on things and realize that how you acted when you were younger has shaped who you are today. We are going to visit that pesky little sister this weekend. She now has a beautiful family of her own. She has embraced TBW and I from the very beginning, without any hesitation. Pretty cool for some annoying little tag-a-long back in 1976 :) She is the best.
To my beautiful partner. I love you with all of my heart. You are my joy. You are my life. You are most definately my soul mate and my other half. This road has not been the easiest path, but hand in hand, heart to heart, it has been the most wonderful experience. It amazes me how we found each other. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together with many more birthdays to come...
Happy Birthday! I love you!
As we get older, the day seems to loose its luster. Somewhere along the way it becomes, just another day. Why is that? I tried remembering my earliest birthday. That would be when I was 13 - we won't say what year that was. I remember I had a slumber party and my friends all got to come to the mall with me while I got my ears pierced. I remember my sister wanted to tag along with us and I hated that she wanted to. She is six years younger than me and since I was a "teen", I obviosly didn't need some little girl slowing us down, nosing into our business!
Today is TBW's birthday. We are going to visit my Mom and sister this weekend in South Carolina, so she insisted that the trip be her present. D2 and I went out and got her a couple of things last night along with some cards. As I sit and write this, I can remember how we celebrated her birthday the first year we were together. She was so sick, and we took a weekend trip to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains. She was just diagnosed with Celiac's disease (where your body can't process wheat and gluten). She weighed about 92 pounds. We had the most beautiful weekend together. I loved taking care of her and being with her in our cabin in the mountains. It was definately a special birthday weekend.
I wish I could make every birthday that special for her and for my girls. But sometimes, we are too busy, life doesn't allow you to do things you want to do. It is amazing how you look back on things and realize that how you acted when you were younger has shaped who you are today. We are going to visit that pesky little sister this weekend. She now has a beautiful family of her own. She has embraced TBW and I from the very beginning, without any hesitation. Pretty cool for some annoying little tag-a-long back in 1976 :) She is the best.
To my beautiful partner. I love you with all of my heart. You are my joy. You are my life. You are most definately my soul mate and my other half. This road has not been the easiest path, but hand in hand, heart to heart, it has been the most wonderful experience. It amazes me how we found each other. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together with many more birthdays to come...
Happy Birthday! I love you!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Sissy?
Bette Davis said, "Old age is no place for sissies". As I grow older each year and my body starts to ache, I get moles and bumps in places only my Mother had them (and I thought they were totally gross), I need glasses to read the fine print and my body seems to have taken on its own
agenda. I think they call me part of the sandwhich generation. Not only am I dealing with my own aging, I have that of my Mother and the girls to deal with. They are all their own unique stages of life.
For me, I go to the doctor once a year to get checked out by both the gyno and my primary care physician. Other than that, I usually don't have to go in (knock on wood). Yesterday as TBW was telling me about her mammogram and her appointment to have a couple moles removed, she reminded me that I need to do the same. With the arrival of these new moles, I am reminded that I am slowly turning into my Mother. As the circle of life continues, my Mother is turning into my Grandma. So it goes...
My Mom has cocktail hour each night around five. Her cocktail of choice for the past few years has been a gin martini. Well, two or three - depending on the mood. So calling her after five is not advisable. So, last night as we were watching a show, my phone rings. It is Mom. She rented a movie that I had recommended and couldn't get her DVD player to work. I had bought her the dvd player a few years ago, but she hadn't used it yet. Now, my sister lives a mile away from her and I live 800 miles away, so I wondered why the call. She had the dvd in, but it just said the movie title and "play" was underlined. I was impressed because I thought the hard part would be getting the dvd on, switched over from the tv - she had that part done. So through 20 minutes of slurred conversation and button pushing - we were getting nowhere. I told her she needed new batteries in her remote and I would have to look at it when I came next week to visit. TBW and I were getting ready for bed and the phone rings again. "I don't have batteries in my remote" was the first thing out of her mouth. I told her that would pose a problem. She then assured me there WAS a "play" button on the front of the DVD player, but hers was labeled "78". (Who knows what it really says...) She was very happy she figured all of this out, but now she was too tired to watch the movie...
On the other end of the spectrum, I had parent teacher conferences with D2's teachers last night. She is doing well and we are so proud of her. She would freak though if she knew that her comm arts (that is the new term for english these days) teachers have noticed her new found love with a certain boy. They actually knew his name. They said she is so cute and they look so cute together. They just so happen to sit together in a corner and the teachers have noticed the the mutual attraction growing from both of them. They said she has a constant smile on her face and she seems to be so happy. She did confide in me a few weeks go about her feelings for this boy - but she was so sure no one knew about it. Sometimes you just can't hide it. Hopefully they'll keep tabs on it and can switch the seats if a break up happens...
As I turned out the light, I got a text from my sister saying that my Mom had gotten mad at her because her instructions were not clear. As we go from day to day, I just think, "Life is not for sissies!"
agenda. I think they call me part of the sandwhich generation. Not only am I dealing with my own aging, I have that of my Mother and the girls to deal with. They are all their own unique stages of life.
For me, I go to the doctor once a year to get checked out by both the gyno and my primary care physician. Other than that, I usually don't have to go in (knock on wood). Yesterday as TBW was telling me about her mammogram and her appointment to have a couple moles removed, she reminded me that I need to do the same. With the arrival of these new moles, I am reminded that I am slowly turning into my Mother. As the circle of life continues, my Mother is turning into my Grandma. So it goes...
My Mom has cocktail hour each night around five. Her cocktail of choice for the past few years has been a gin martini. Well, two or three - depending on the mood. So calling her after five is not advisable. So, last night as we were watching a show, my phone rings. It is Mom. She rented a movie that I had recommended and couldn't get her DVD player to work. I had bought her the dvd player a few years ago, but she hadn't used it yet. Now, my sister lives a mile away from her and I live 800 miles away, so I wondered why the call. She had the dvd in, but it just said the movie title and "play" was underlined. I was impressed because I thought the hard part would be getting the dvd on, switched over from the tv - she had that part done. So through 20 minutes of slurred conversation and button pushing - we were getting nowhere. I told her she needed new batteries in her remote and I would have to look at it when I came next week to visit. TBW and I were getting ready for bed and the phone rings again. "I don't have batteries in my remote" was the first thing out of her mouth. I told her that would pose a problem. She then assured me there WAS a "play" button on the front of the DVD player, but hers was labeled "78". (Who knows what it really says...) She was very happy she figured all of this out, but now she was too tired to watch the movie...
On the other end of the spectrum, I had parent teacher conferences with D2's teachers last night. She is doing well and we are so proud of her. She would freak though if she knew that her comm arts (that is the new term for english these days) teachers have noticed her new found love with a certain boy. They actually knew his name. They said she is so cute and they look so cute together. They just so happen to sit together in a corner and the teachers have noticed the the mutual attraction growing from both of them. They said she has a constant smile on her face and she seems to be so happy. She did confide in me a few weeks go about her feelings for this boy - but she was so sure no one knew about it. Sometimes you just can't hide it. Hopefully they'll keep tabs on it and can switch the seats if a break up happens...
As I turned out the light, I got a text from my sister saying that my Mom had gotten mad at her because her instructions were not clear. As we go from day to day, I just think, "Life is not for sissies!"
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Time...
Why does time seem to pass so quickly? We currently have D2 living with us. She is 13. She is not a morning person. She is caught between being a child dependent on her Mom and a teen who wants her independence. Sometimes when those two worlds collide, I think I am going to loose it. TBW is always there reminding me that "this too shall pass".
It is fun to see life through her eyes and realize that you don't have the pressure of actually living through the teen-angst first hand anymore. The wonder of the first kiss (and more)... The thrill of just talking to someone you like, finding out they like you. Getting asked to dance... Then the heartache, the breakup, getting dumped.
I was driving the girls home the other night and they were sitting in the back seat and talking about things. I love to listen. Just listen. For middle schoolers (in the bubble at least) "going out" is equivalent to "boyfriend/girlfriend". That includes dating, (although no one is really allowed to do that yet) as well as talking on the phone and the occassional dance. This conversation was centered around the dance they had just left where a breakup ensued. Now the girl and this guy barely knew each other - but she was devastated none the less. Those are the moments that I don't miss. But I realized that the support and kindness of a good friend can get anyone through anything.
D2 is my most compassionate daughter. She sometimes seems to have a wisdom and caring well beyond her 13 years. We were eating dinner the other night and she said out of the blue... "I don't like the way D1 is treating you". To which I said, "I don't either, but I am at a loss at what to do." She didn't skip a beat, and said, "Sometimes you will have to let go, to get her back." Now I have talked at length to TBW about what to do about D1 and her feelings for TBW and I. We had come to the same conclusion. It was just reaffirming to get the unsolicited opinion of D2. As I was writing this, I got a call that my cousin's husband, who was 52, died the other day. Sometimes, I feel like life is too short to let things go - even if it is the best thing. What if we don't have enough time? But I guess, all we can do, is the best we can while we are here... and hopefully we will have enough time to work it all out.
It is fun to see life through her eyes and realize that you don't have the pressure of actually living through the teen-angst first hand anymore. The wonder of the first kiss (and more)... The thrill of just talking to someone you like, finding out they like you. Getting asked to dance... Then the heartache, the breakup, getting dumped.
I was driving the girls home the other night and they were sitting in the back seat and talking about things. I love to listen. Just listen. For middle schoolers (in the bubble at least) "going out" is equivalent to "boyfriend/girlfriend". That includes dating, (although no one is really allowed to do that yet) as well as talking on the phone and the occassional dance. This conversation was centered around the dance they had just left where a breakup ensued. Now the girl and this guy barely knew each other - but she was devastated none the less. Those are the moments that I don't miss. But I realized that the support and kindness of a good friend can get anyone through anything.
D2 is my most compassionate daughter. She sometimes seems to have a wisdom and caring well beyond her 13 years. We were eating dinner the other night and she said out of the blue... "I don't like the way D1 is treating you". To which I said, "I don't either, but I am at a loss at what to do." She didn't skip a beat, and said, "Sometimes you will have to let go, to get her back." Now I have talked at length to TBW about what to do about D1 and her feelings for TBW and I. We had come to the same conclusion. It was just reaffirming to get the unsolicited opinion of D2. As I was writing this, I got a call that my cousin's husband, who was 52, died the other day. Sometimes, I feel like life is too short to let things go - even if it is the best thing. What if we don't have enough time? But I guess, all we can do, is the best we can while we are here... and hopefully we will have enough time to work it all out.
Friday, November 2, 2007
A new beginning...
I started this blog to help me de-stress and document my life. So when I am gone, my girls will have some what of an understanding of who I really am and what I am going through. It has been a rough couple of years for me, for them and for TBW. I realized the other day, that if I died tomorrow - many things would be left unhealed, unexplained and untold. Since my divorce a little over two years ago, I tried to do things the best way I knew how. We all do that. Sometimes it is right, sometimes it is wrong - and sometimes it just is. As I sit in my cubbie at work, I think about things in my life and wonder what I could do to make things easier, not so stressful, not so much guilt... I am like anyone, I have good days and bad days. Sometimes the mountain is easy to climb and sometimes I can't seem to get up the base. My whole life I have done what is expected of me. What was an unwritten path of what I was supposed to do. What makes some of us go the path we are "supposed to" and some of us stray the complete opposite? risk? adventure? pay back? Who knows?
As a child, I was very confident in myself. Why is it as we grow older, we loose that confidence and put so much credit on what other's think or even what we think other's think? When we are in kindergarten, we talk to everyone, play with everyone and nothing outside the fact that you are together matters. We gradually loose that as we get older. I did everything my parents wanted me to. I treated adults with respect, and I did my homework, and didn't stray too far off the expected path. I only applied to one college and quite frankly it was one that I was told that was "easy". Why? I knew when my parents pulled away in their car it wasn't a fit for me. It was 300 miles away from my home and considered a commuter college. There I was - stuck - going into computer science. Why computer science? Because my Dad said it was the up and coming thing - where the money would be. I wanted to make money - lots of it. So, with no interest in mind, I got a degree in computer science. After finishing college, I married the only guy I ever really dated. Not that he was a bad guy, he was my best friend. But it was the next logical step. The thought of having a sexual relationship scared the hell out of me. Yet I did it. Looking back on my life, I wouldn't change anything, but I see where I didn't have the confidence in myself. When I interviewed for my first job out of college - I interviewed for one job. I was made an offer and I took it. It was a huge company and I didn't really know what I would be doing - but I took it. Mainly because it was a respected name in the computer world. I see now that I never took the time to see what would be the best fit for me, never gave myself options... Next up, after grad school for me and med school for the X, was obviously kids... I wanted to be the best mom in the world. I enjoyed being pregnant with all three of my girls. It was awonderful feeling. Having them and raising them was, and is, the most wonderful part of my life. They were and are one of the most important aspects of my life - a true gift.
So... after meeting TBW and feeling something so deep in my soul, such a connection and such a need to be with her, so much became clear. I had questioned my sexuality for years. There had to be a reason that sex wasn't the same for me as it was for my friends. The intimacy and desires I felt with her, far exceeded anything I had ever felt before. My father passed away when I was in my third year of college. Thinking about him, I realized that life was way too short and you only go around once. It was time to quit doing what was expected of me and to be the strong person I am. To be a role model for my girls - to break the cycle of doing things without exploring them. To be who you are. I didn't want to settle anymore - not me, not my kids... I guess once again I was naive. I thought I could do this, the girls would be fine, the X would find someone new and TBW and I would just move on and we would all adjust to how things are...
It is amazing that in this day and age, being gay is still such a stigma. For me, not only with society, but with the X, and my girls. Is it easier for kids to be accepting when they are raised from birth with two moms or two dads? TBW's kids both accepted our relationship and are very accepting - but is it because they are older (grown and on their own)? D2, who lives with us right now, is very accepting of us. D3 has her moments and D1 is just flat out against it. Why is it so hard to just be who you are in this world? That is my goal. I want my girls and TBW's kids to just accept things and live our lives with us. I want to love them and take care of them. I want them to share in the beautiful love that we have found. I want to be a part of their lives as much as we can be. I want them to know they are loved and wanted by both the X and his wife and TBW and myself. We are on this journey together - forever - and in the end I know it will be worth it. Each day is a new beginning. A new acceptance. Some days are good, and some are bad - but nomatter what, we have each other. The petty things in life don't mean jack. Being loved, being who you are, enjoying and being thankful for where we are at this moment... Is priceless.
As a child, I was very confident in myself. Why is it as we grow older, we loose that confidence and put so much credit on what other's think or even what we think other's think? When we are in kindergarten, we talk to everyone, play with everyone and nothing outside the fact that you are together matters. We gradually loose that as we get older. I did everything my parents wanted me to. I treated adults with respect, and I did my homework, and didn't stray too far off the expected path. I only applied to one college and quite frankly it was one that I was told that was "easy". Why? I knew when my parents pulled away in their car it wasn't a fit for me. It was 300 miles away from my home and considered a commuter college. There I was - stuck - going into computer science. Why computer science? Because my Dad said it was the up and coming thing - where the money would be. I wanted to make money - lots of it. So, with no interest in mind, I got a degree in computer science. After finishing college, I married the only guy I ever really dated. Not that he was a bad guy, he was my best friend. But it was the next logical step. The thought of having a sexual relationship scared the hell out of me. Yet I did it. Looking back on my life, I wouldn't change anything, but I see where I didn't have the confidence in myself. When I interviewed for my first job out of college - I interviewed for one job. I was made an offer and I took it. It was a huge company and I didn't really know what I would be doing - but I took it. Mainly because it was a respected name in the computer world. I see now that I never took the time to see what would be the best fit for me, never gave myself options... Next up, after grad school for me and med school for the X, was obviously kids... I wanted to be the best mom in the world. I enjoyed being pregnant with all three of my girls. It was awonderful feeling. Having them and raising them was, and is, the most wonderful part of my life. They were and are one of the most important aspects of my life - a true gift.
So... after meeting TBW and feeling something so deep in my soul, such a connection and such a need to be with her, so much became clear. I had questioned my sexuality for years. There had to be a reason that sex wasn't the same for me as it was for my friends. The intimacy and desires I felt with her, far exceeded anything I had ever felt before. My father passed away when I was in my third year of college. Thinking about him, I realized that life was way too short and you only go around once. It was time to quit doing what was expected of me and to be the strong person I am. To be a role model for my girls - to break the cycle of doing things without exploring them. To be who you are. I didn't want to settle anymore - not me, not my kids... I guess once again I was naive. I thought I could do this, the girls would be fine, the X would find someone new and TBW and I would just move on and we would all adjust to how things are...
It is amazing that in this day and age, being gay is still such a stigma. For me, not only with society, but with the X, and my girls. Is it easier for kids to be accepting when they are raised from birth with two moms or two dads? TBW's kids both accepted our relationship and are very accepting - but is it because they are older (grown and on their own)? D2, who lives with us right now, is very accepting of us. D3 has her moments and D1 is just flat out against it. Why is it so hard to just be who you are in this world? That is my goal. I want my girls and TBW's kids to just accept things and live our lives with us. I want to love them and take care of them. I want them to share in the beautiful love that we have found. I want to be a part of their lives as much as we can be. I want them to know they are loved and wanted by both the X and his wife and TBW and myself. We are on this journey together - forever - and in the end I know it will be worth it. Each day is a new beginning. A new acceptance. Some days are good, and some are bad - but nomatter what, we have each other. The petty things in life don't mean jack. Being loved, being who you are, enjoying and being thankful for where we are at this moment... Is priceless.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
bubble treats
Trick or treat in the bubble was pretty light. We had about 30 kids. that is it! I think we have 3 pounds of candy left over... The boys got one of the pumpkins and pulled it down the front porch steps. 4:00 in the morning we woke to the dog gagging on pumpkin. Luckily TBW got up to clean it up. I just lent morale support with the pillow over my head! he he... I really missed having the other two D's here with me.
I loved trick or treat night when I was a little girl. We would eat dinner early and be ready to go as soon as it got dark. We started at one tip of the neighborhood and didn't stop until we went to every house. It usually took the full two hours. Our first stop was always Mr. S across the street. He gave the full sized candy bars. Early stoppers got the pick of the basket. I hated it when people had the nerve to not be home. We eagerly went through the stash once we got home. Sorting, trading and eating... The next day, someone always took my bag and put it with my sister's. At least I had the one night where it was all mine!
Wonder whats the dealeo on trick or treating in the bubble. Is it that the kids don't want to walk around just for a miniture sized snickers? Their parent's won't let them have candy? They can't put down the xbox remote? Who knows. It sure was not like the old days!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Purple Nerf
Football fever is gearing up as the collegiate teams are getting into the meat of their seasons. It was on the news this morning and got me thinking about football and how I used to play all the time when I was in grade school. Of course we played with a purple nerf. It was my purple nerf and the game couldn't start until I got there. Such power. I loved that football. It was used so much that it eventually got a hole in it where the psuedo strings were. I often carried it with my finger stuck in the hole. We played before school and during recess. There were only two girls who played. Me and a girl a year older, who could outrun every one in the school - girl or boy. Our games were just two-hand touch. We always had a blast. Our school was in front of an old train depot, which was down about 25 feet, past this concrete wall. When the ball would slide through the iron fence that kept us away from the drop, there were three boys that liked to scale the tree vines to go get the ball. This also provided us amusement. They thought they were some kind of super hero and they acted up when the went for it. I always wanted to be as fast as Maria (the older, faster runner girl) - she was my idol. We were cool - we both wore red converse - chuck taylor style. They matched our red plaid uniforms so well. Of course we had to wear shorts under our uniforms - in case we were running so fast it would fly up. Yeah right - in case the boys we played with decided to pull up our skirts to see what was under there...
Those were fun times. I love a good pick up game of touch football. Wish we could have one soon. I need to get some red chuck taylor's though...
Those were fun times. I love a good pick up game of touch football. Wish we could have one soon. I need to get some red chuck taylor's though...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
What is for dinner?
Do you ever get tired of thinking of things to make for dinner? I sure do. You spend the time preparing it all and making sure everyone can get together to eat. Sometimes even that is hard to do. Then they all sit down, eat in five minutes and zoommm.... They are off to a practice or to do their homework or to get back onto the computer. The dinner conversation leads to a lot of one word answers.
"How was school?"
"Good"
"What did you learn?"
"Nothing"
"How was soccer practice?"
"Good"...
Then as I am cleaning up the mess, I hear them on the phone.
"Oh my gosh, did you see so and so today in math class? She was in so much trouble. She didn't even know the answers. That was so embarassing how she got caught passing a note to Emily..."
Sometimes I think I need a fun little AIM name - sOcCeRQT4U - or something to get them to talk to me. That would never work though - because I don't know the whole AIM language that they do. I am sure I would be busted in no time. "IDK my BFF Jill!"
I am lucky tonight though. TBW is cooking dinner - but I will appreciate it very much... and will even help her clean up the mess. Plus... I'll definately give her a big tip later - just sayin'
"How was school?"
"Good"
"What did you learn?"
"Nothing"
"How was soccer practice?"
"Good"...
Then as I am cleaning up the mess, I hear them on the phone.
"Oh my gosh, did you see so and so today in math class? She was in so much trouble. She didn't even know the answers. That was so embarassing how she got caught passing a note to Emily..."
Sometimes I think I need a fun little AIM name - sOcCeRQT4U - or something to get them to talk to me. That would never work though - because I don't know the whole AIM language that they do. I am sure I would be busted in no time. "IDK my BFF Jill!"
I am lucky tonight though. TBW is cooking dinner - but I will appreciate it very much... and will even help her clean up the mess. Plus... I'll definately give her a big tip later - just sayin'
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tidbit Tuesday
When you say the word "lesbian", a picture comes to mind and for most people it is quite different. Apparently there are a ton of different adjectives to describe us - dyke, lipstick lesbian, butch, femme... It is amazing we seem to have various cultures with our culture...
The discussion of flannel came up on RSG's blog and it got me to thinking... People associate flannel with a lesbian. Now I don't wear flannel - but I love our flannel sheets in the winter time. I've never known anyone to have a mullet either. But then again - I am quite sheltered and I don't know too many other lesbians. We have one other lesbian couple that we do things with and one night we ranked each other in who looks the most lesbian... Out of the 4 people, I came in second. I wonder if folks in the straight world who now speculate that I am gay, sit back and say "ahhh ha - I knew it..." or is more like, "that suprises me...". I am not gonna get a mullet and wear flannel just to let them know. I like a little element of mystery...
Luckily, last night our dogs slept through the night. Saturday night, one of them had the squirts all over the bedroom floor. Luckily for me I had gone in to lay down with D3 and I must have dozed off because I didn't hear the steam cleaner going at full speed. Then Sunday in the middle of the night, I thought I heard rain, looked out the window - clear - and realized the other one was peeing. He started on my side of the bed, made a nice swirl pattern to get to the door (when I yelled at him to quit) and then just couldn't hold the rest of it in... That steam cleaner sure got a work out. Nothing like a good squirt and pee party at 3 in the morning... TBW (The Beautiful Wife) got the short end of the stick on that one. I think if I would have had her shift - there would have been more to clean up... Just sayin...
Monday, October 22, 2007
Rainy Monday
It is raining here in the bubble - so much for mowing the grass :) My beautiful wife (mbw) took care of things for me this weekend while I ran around with the kids. Yesterday was non-stop coming and going. She cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and ironed - I am so lucky - she takes good care of me.
Last week a few kids were suspended from D2's school for cheating on a national standards test. You know the one they teach their classes towards, so your kid places better in high school. She didn't know the details - that is my girl - lost in her own thoughts - doing her own thing. These kids are the "popular" ones. They have been in various bits of trouble - with what they have been putting on myspace and AIM, etc - before. Their parents don't believe that they could be that mean or would ever do those things. Wake up people! I know my daughter isn't a saint and eventually she is going to do something stupid. Hopefully it won't be life-threatening, like driving while intoxicated - but I am not naive about what goes on in middle and high school. If my daughter was caught more than once - I think I would have to accept that something is wrong. I have to admit - the girls left on the volleyball team this weekend were carefree, smiling and having a great time. Something I have yet to see this year.
I was suspended once in high school. My best friend was a cheerleader. She had received flowers at the beginning of the game, and had asked me to take them out to the car. While I was out there putting them away so they wouldn't get messed up - two of my friends were in the front seat. They asked me to pass a beer up - and I did. As I handed it to them, an officer's flashlight was on my face... Busted. Now, I definately was not drinking at the time - but I did have a beer on the way to the game... I was suspended for three days. My parents had to come pick me up. My Mom came. My Dad was playing poker with the "old ladies" - she said she could handle it. The next morning I had to tell him what happened. He told me I wasn't going to be punished because the suspension was punishment enough. I had my reputation to make up, tests that I would miss, and it was on my permanent record. Worst of all in my mind - was that I couldn't play in the district finals for basketball. Like he said - it was all punishment enough. Word got out that I wasn't really drinking - so I was allowed to take the tests that I missed - but I still missed my basketball game and it was on my permanent record. It scared me for quite a while - I don't think I drank again until after I graduated high school.
Somehow, since these kids' parent's don't believe they did anything wrong - I don't believe they had a life changing experience... You never know. Time will tell. I will say one thing - this has caused quite the talk amongst the bubble folk...
Last week a few kids were suspended from D2's school for cheating on a national standards test. You know the one they teach their classes towards, so your kid places better in high school. She didn't know the details - that is my girl - lost in her own thoughts - doing her own thing. These kids are the "popular" ones. They have been in various bits of trouble - with what they have been putting on myspace and AIM, etc - before. Their parents don't believe that they could be that mean or would ever do those things. Wake up people! I know my daughter isn't a saint and eventually she is going to do something stupid. Hopefully it won't be life-threatening, like driving while intoxicated - but I am not naive about what goes on in middle and high school. If my daughter was caught more than once - I think I would have to accept that something is wrong. I have to admit - the girls left on the volleyball team this weekend were carefree, smiling and having a great time. Something I have yet to see this year.
I was suspended once in high school. My best friend was a cheerleader. She had received flowers at the beginning of the game, and had asked me to take them out to the car. While I was out there putting them away so they wouldn't get messed up - two of my friends were in the front seat. They asked me to pass a beer up - and I did. As I handed it to them, an officer's flashlight was on my face... Busted. Now, I definately was not drinking at the time - but I did have a beer on the way to the game... I was suspended for three days. My parents had to come pick me up. My Mom came. My Dad was playing poker with the "old ladies" - she said she could handle it. The next morning I had to tell him what happened. He told me I wasn't going to be punished because the suspension was punishment enough. I had my reputation to make up, tests that I would miss, and it was on my permanent record. Worst of all in my mind - was that I couldn't play in the district finals for basketball. Like he said - it was all punishment enough. Word got out that I wasn't really drinking - so I was allowed to take the tests that I missed - but I still missed my basketball game and it was on my permanent record. It scared me for quite a while - I don't think I drank again until after I graduated high school.
Somehow, since these kids' parent's don't believe they did anything wrong - I don't believe they had a life changing experience... You never know. Time will tell. I will say one thing - this has caused quite the talk amongst the bubble folk...
Friday, October 19, 2007
TGIF...
What a long week... Why does time go so quickly when you are at home and so slowly during work hours? Daughter number 2, has been in a great mood all day. One of the girls from her school and who is on her volleyball team moved in down the street today. I just pumped the tires up on their bikes and they were planning all kinds of things to do... watching movies, riding to the UDF to get milkshakes, getting online. I have often wondered, especially when we first moved to the bubble, why kids just don't go out and play anymore. Everything always has to be a "play date" that is scheduled by someone. When we first moved here, about 14 years ago, Daughter number 1 was 2 years old. I was the only one sitting out in my chair watching her play outside. All other kids were in the house. Even as she got older and her sisters came along, there were no pick up games of kickball, basketball or tag. We lived on a cul-de-sac and we were the only ones out riding bikes, drawing with chalk, riding in the barbie jeep.
I remember when I was little. We had a "field" (it was really someone's side yard, but big enough for us to play) in our neighborhood. There were no calls that had to be made when we got home to make sure so and so would be there - you just rode your bike if you were allowed and showed up. You picked teams and you played. Didn't really matter what - mattered more what kind of ball we had to play with. We always knew when the one kid's mom called him for dinner - how many minutes we had before we had to get back to eat at our house. When dinner was over - it was "game on" once again until dark.
Not so much in the bubble. More so here where we live now. Our new house is also on a cul-de-sac, but we live on one of the ends. Now, it is the adults that meet up in the street each night after dinner to talk. They all have younger kids and they all play together. But you can tell - they are mixed between the world of arranged play dates and just showing up!
I'm glad daughter number 2 has found a friend. You never know - she might venture out and actually make a few friends while milling about. And none of it will be arranged by me!
I remember when I was little. We had a "field" (it was really someone's side yard, but big enough for us to play) in our neighborhood. There were no calls that had to be made when we got home to make sure so and so would be there - you just rode your bike if you were allowed and showed up. You picked teams and you played. Didn't really matter what - mattered more what kind of ball we had to play with. We always knew when the one kid's mom called him for dinner - how many minutes we had before we had to get back to eat at our house. When dinner was over - it was "game on" once again until dark.
Not so much in the bubble. More so here where we live now. Our new house is also on a cul-de-sac, but we live on one of the ends. Now, it is the adults that meet up in the street each night after dinner to talk. They all have younger kids and they all play together. But you can tell - they are mixed between the world of arranged play dates and just showing up!
I'm glad daughter number 2 has found a friend. You never know - she might venture out and actually make a few friends while milling about. And none of it will be arranged by me!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Let's get going...
Well - I have been threatening to start writing a blog for a long time - so I'm just gonna do it. Hopefully it will be theraputic for me and entertaining for others. I know my life sure is... At least the rumors that I hear about it are. We live in the bubble. Better known as suburbia. A quiet, conservative, midwestern town. Not really an environment for two women - and not known for its lesbian culture. We're having a go at it. The neighbors don't care. Well - most of them don't. We do have an uptight family across the street - but the rest of them are all cool about it.
Why do we stay here you ask? Well, up until two years ago, I was married to my former husband and this is where we were raising our 3 children. We decided to keep their lives as close to "normal" as possible. I know you are wondering - how is a late in life lesbian keeping things normal. I guess normal is a state of mind. I hope to use this blog to tell my story, to get to know others who are like me and to just have some fun. Since I don't think I'll find many "sisters" in the bubble - I thought it would be fun to move the bubble...
I was driving home from work yesterday and was trying to recall the first signs that I knew I was gay. They say you just know. For me - not so much - because being gay was never an option. I often wonder... How did others know?
Why do we stay here you ask? Well, up until two years ago, I was married to my former husband and this is where we were raising our 3 children. We decided to keep their lives as close to "normal" as possible. I know you are wondering - how is a late in life lesbian keeping things normal. I guess normal is a state of mind. I hope to use this blog to tell my story, to get to know others who are like me and to just have some fun. Since I don't think I'll find many "sisters" in the bubble - I thought it would be fun to move the bubble...
I was driving home from work yesterday and was trying to recall the first signs that I knew I was gay. They say you just know. For me - not so much - because being gay was never an option. I often wonder... How did others know?
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